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A Third Addition to the Series

Their angelic faces, innocent and untarnished by society. Were they always so pure? When I was in eleventh grade, I volunteered to help out at a local orphanage, specifically for the younger kids. They were so joyful all the time. Even when they were crying, they weren’t sad, they just needed care. At that moment, I knew every child deserved to be loved because they were pure. Seeing the children abandoned and in an orphanage broke my heart. It tore at my soul to know that they were almost like packages, waiting for somebody to pick them up. When I saw someone like me, so corrupted with what I have, I knew that something was wrong with the world. I couldn’t face the fact that purity was so mistreated. When I looked at their faces, I wondered how anybody could abandon such a pure child. And then I realized.

These children… It would only take one push for them to indulge in the evils of society. They were one step away from corruption, the drugs, the sex, and the absolute evils. I knew, I knew at once that behind those evil masquerades of ‘cuteness’ a terrifying being existed. Snow is so easily tarnished. With maturity, along comes corruption and evils. It was all a mask and a cleverly played game. Little mongrels.

I considered many things to do. For a while, I played along with the fellow rats, holding on to my mask. I played their game and acted happy, acted as if wanted to help them. But I knew that beneath their mask, another figure lay waiting to eat me alive, just like me. At first, I thought I should just quit, and never face them again. But I knew that was wrong. Could I let these evils continue to ravish our streets? No, for the problem was right in front of my eyes, waiting to be solved. I couldn’t possibly ignore it. Should I kill the children? The media will portray me differently, they always do. “Maniac Kills Innocent Orphans”. Oh, the sick, twisted media, always is corrupting their headlines. I couldn’t do that to my name, because I knew in my heart I am hero, and I see behind the evils of society. Should I secretly poison all their food? Should I simply burn the place down? There had to be something better.

I crafted the most masterful plan. I once read in an essay “A Modest Proposal” by Jonathan Swift about eating the poverty stricken. I loved that idea. But rather than eating them, I thought of an idea more righteous. Let me explain.

First I bought out the owners of the orphanage. In a way, I bought the orphanage itself. If the owners didn’t comply, it was business as usual. A kidnapping or blackmail would do the trick just fine. In my case, I kidnapped the owner’s daughter, and ransomed her for the possession of the orphanage. Then, after a trip to North Korea, I obtained a serum used to brainwash people for interrogation. They had used a variant to brainwash their people, and I did somewhat the same. After a month or so of constant feeding, they were completely hypnotized.

I then “programmed” the children to learn a vicious type of martial arts, a very lethal type. Then I programmed them to kill children of other orphanages. It was so elegant, so easy, I felt as if I didn’t even deserve the credit. But of course I do. I will submit my name to the textbook as soon as these constrained dumbtards realize that what they think is not correct, just as the Nazi’s didn’t know what they were doing was not correct (It's come to a full circle yet again however).

On the March of 2010, I executed my plan. The beauty of it. It just unfolded, and soon, there were no orphans. No orphans meant no corruption. I have literally saved the world of its corruption. Thank me later, when you understand.
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Actual Common App Essay

Children! Children! I called out to the poor kids in the South African village. Some of them couldn’t hear me because their malnutrition affected their hearing. Some have never seen the sun, or heard the tender words of “I love you”. When I first arrived in the village, I was hailed as some sort of savior. It astounded me how much these children needed help, and how easily they could be helped. I did the best I could to help them, because I love children.

However, deep inside, I felt these capitalistic desires overwhelm my conscience. These children… would make profound sweatshop workers or sex slaves. No, they were too malnourished. Maybe if I fed them for a month or so, they would be healthy and then I could sell their organs. No how could I? The thought of it was utterly ridiculous, because if I were to sell the organs, then I would only reach out to the immediate market, which was poor as well. Overseas transportation was bitterly expensive at the time. The only valuable parts were the corneas and kidneys as well, and those would take much more than a month of good nourishment to heal.

I couldn’t do it. Even if I felt the capitalistic side of me tug at my heart, I resisted because I knew the net profit worth was not worth these children. It was a balance that couldn’t be measured at the time.

After about two weeks or so, I called a meeting with the tribal counselors. I told them straight what needed to be done. I only brought over enough food for about 3 weeks of sustainable vegetation. They had to create some sort of self renewing product to bring the village out of poverty. Crops? No, it was too arid and the land was no good for that type of agriculture. Oil? The land was practically sucked dry. Sex slaves and sweatshops were out of the question because there was no centralized power that could control it, and the village was far too rural. After considering all of this, I put forward a suggestion. Opium. It had no downsides, it was a tremendously good investment. The opium market in Africa was doing well and it was fairly easy to produce. In about two or three weeks, an opium irrigation channel could be set up by my men and production could begin in the next month at earliest.

But then, again, I felt the tug of capitalism at my heart. No… I can’t… But I did. After the arrangement of 80% of the profits to me, and with increased aftermarket profits, I still wasn’t satisfied. Nothing could satisfy my thirst for money. I had two men I brought from Uganda, teenage-once-child-soldier that I bought to take care of the three main tribal chieftains. Then I set up a society with opium production at its core. The village was a perfect investment. I took control of all the Africans and when the irrigation channels were completed, I shipped in the opium seeds I bought from the Chinese triads.

Sales were booming, and nothing was there to stop me. My opium had spread all the way up to Egypt and all the way down to South Africa. I practically held the heart of Africa in my heart, and I was choking the money out of it. However, as soon as the Congo Basin rebels heard of my business, I knew I had to take out the competition. Knowing I had surprise to my advantage, I started a civil war and wiped out nearly all of the men in the Democratic Republic. I then proclaimed myself King of the nation and invested further into my steadily increasing revenue. I bought an army of child soldiers from Niger and protected my empire. They tacked a name on me. They called me the ‘Opium Supremacy’. The UN couldn’t even interfere because I had them in my back pocket.

These children! Children! I called out to them once more. I saved them. I gave them five cents a day and even provided free gun training. I was more than an opportunist, I was a savior.

I was more than a savior, I was a king.
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Common App Essay

Rap. Real, authentic poetry. The story of generations of black men, all slaving away under the cotton sun, who turn to nothing but creating chants so that their subversive chiming could peck away at the generations of righteousness in the future. This was the humble beginning of rap. Somehow these ideas were transformed to the ghetto gunslinging neighborhoods of crack cocaine and sex, but nevertheless, they were the beginnings. I can relate to this because I too slave away under the lights of my classroom, creating a mindless chant in my head, hoping that the colleges would see my righteousness amidst these fools. What separates me from fools is that I am not a fool. In fact some would go as far as calling me an anti-fool. I despise the ignorance of others. This is why I have a love hate relationship with education. Education provides a door for the ignorant, (which is presumably why I hate it) and yet the ignorant never take that door, thus securing the social covenant that ignorant will always stay below the intelligent (which is why I love it). Thus I am the best. As if this statement needed a proof. Ergo.

Having gotten that point across, There are countless reason why I am fit for the campus. First off, I have an outstandingly great ability to do many things. For example, if thing ‘A’ existed, I would be good at it. Even if ‘A’ was being not good at ‘A’, a contradiction in itself, I have learned to embrace the paradox. Thus I can be good at ‘A,’ not being good at ‘A’ while still maintaining the statement that I am good at everything. In addition if thing ‘B’ was not possible, I would still be the best at it, simply because the theory that if an unstoppable force meets an unmovable object doesn’t exist in my realm, because I am both the unstoppable force and the unmovable object. Although that statement would lead to the conclusion that I am what does not exist in my own realm, I co-exist with my nonexistence because I am the best at everything. If I simply did not exist, I would not be able to ‘do’. But physics, metaphysics, religion, death, and life itself does not apply to me, because I am the entity of all of those combined.

How is that possible? The idea that I am everything comes into play here. It is not expected that those of lesser intellect understand such a statement, but for the ignorant, it is safe to assume that your existence is simply the mirror existence of me, because I am the only one that exists. Thus, if I am everything, this would conclude that I am the entity of acceptance and college itself. However, because I am also the entity of denial and I cannot fail in what I do, even denial, I will accept myself in denying myself into myself. Thus I am everything that could possibly happen, parallel universes combined into one entity.

Because I have just proved that I am everything and everyone everywhere, I would like to proclaim my own everything on everywhere because I have to. If I don’t, this would mean that I can’t do it, but I can do that can’t so I do both. Thus I am nothing yet everything, and everything but nothing. And because I am you and everything is me, you and everything is also nothing. But because you are lower than me and I cannot be lower than myself, which in itself would be a contradiction of beings, I will become all levels of being itself. Thus I am the best and the worst. Alpha and the omega.

However, God is the alpha and the omega. I also hold the idea that my beliefs are impermeable. In order to retain both states, I have to assume the nonentity that I am nothing, and that God is everything, to retain the balance of everything and nothing. This is only because of my choosing however, and because my choices are infallible, I choose the right thing. I also affirm the idea that ignorance is bliss because I want to, and thus I am blissfully ignorant because I choose to. Yet because I am ignorant of my decisions, I cease to know everything I did, and everything I chose. Thus having nowhere to affirm this apparent blissfulness, I attach it with God, who is everything now. However even still being a mortal of equal capabilities as everyone else, I am still fit to belong in a great college. As if this statement needed a proof.
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Mellow

On my playlist right now:

Casker
Belle Epoque
Epitone Project
Ibadi
W&Whale
Winterplay
Vodka Rain
Vivaldi
Erik Satie
美
Clazziquai
J
Loveholic
Rumblefish
Humming Urban Stereo
Daft Punk
Mad Soul Child
Lucite Tokki
Maybee
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Cherry Blossoms

It's cold, but I let my window open to let the lonely ballad of the rain in.



























Good Movie: Black Swan & 아쩌시-> 원빈 개간지 존나 쩌러
Good Music: Vodka Rain, Winterplay & Belle Epoque
Good Writer: Fitzgerald & C.S. Lewis
Good People: People I hung out with recently & David -> Happy Birthday.

Mediocre Movie: Tron (<3 data-blogger-escaped-after="" data-blogger-escaped-and="" data-blogger-escaped-br="" data-blogger-escaped-but="" data-blogger-escaped-cg="" data-blogger-escaped-daft="" data-blogger-escaped-punk="" data-blogger-escaped-reevaluation="" data-blogger-escaped-relatively="" data-blogger-escaped-script="" data-blogger-escaped-though="" data-blogger-escaped-weak="">Mediocre Music: Radio? I don't dig it.
Mediocre Writer: Jay-Z: Decoded -> starts off really interesting, then drags on and on about black struggles. I can smell the ghost in this too
Mediocre People: I leave this blank for continuity. Most mediocre men are there for the continuity after all.

ATM
I like the rain & cherry blossoms. Jazz, Classical & Hip-hop. Piano. Black Dynamite. Trees. The sound of breaking sticks with my teeth. Reading Fitzgerald. Green tea. Walking in the rain. Buying books I think I will read. Stage & the glamorous attention. The feeling during a good dream.
I don't like cactus. Bad glazing. T.O.P. DMV. Bad singers. Unorganized files. College apps. Jealousy for ED. The feeling that rain will come to an end. The feeling after a good dream.

"All life is a progression towards, and then a recession from, one phrase-'I love you.'" -Fitzgerald
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some things

are almost as pathetic as unread updates

there is the irony.
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Hope is the dream of a soul awake.

L’espoir est le rêve d’une âme éveille.
-french proverb

-have fun at tisch!
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we are so important.

This incessant gibberish of what to do and what not to do frustrates me. It's an often laughable impulse that creates this paradigm of popular behavior. Do this, do that. The ugly woman barks out to the rich men, who being dogs themselves, just obey. Why? Because everyone holds that image in their head of who they are, and more times than not, they hold themselves above everyone else. Its almost human instinct to create a social hierarchy that deems what is most relevant to be most important. But what happens when you put a million of these minds together?
That my friends, is what we call capitalism.




"하얀 눈이 더러운 세상 덮었으면
잠시라도..."
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short life

I don't intend to live long
because the good die young
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warm up

I wonder what I'm doing wrong? I can't imagine myself living a normal life for some reason. I wonder if it will just come by so fast that I won't have time to find my niche. I live in a generation of mediocrity, where everyone is satisfied with what they have. Doesn't human perception reach out a bit farther than that? These eyes, were they only made to see less than majestic sights? These hands, were they made to build less that the greatest? So why am I less than the best, or less than what I want to be?
They say you can become anything, or anyone you want to be if you put your mind to it. I think thst rather than putting your mind on it, I need to take my eyes off everything else and go all in on what I have to go for. My friends, we will part for college soon, a place where there is no excuse for becoming exactly what you want to become.
If it's all or nothing, then go all, and don't ever settle for just half of the stakes. High risk, high reward, that how the stakes work. It's not as if I have much to risk anyways if I'm not made of anything in the first place. So don't think why, think why not, and perhaps I'll see these walls turn into doors.

[momentum picking up.. at the brink of what it seems to be: inspiration..]

It is lost upon our generation to look past the futility of all that encompasses everything and all that we do. We find ourselves drowning, and in that near apparent death, nothing comes off more pleasing than death itself. Lack of oxygen, like the abundance of oxygen, gives one a euphoria, as if they actually believe that they are happy. What's more is that at one point, most people stop fighting the inevitable, and simply wait.

Our generation struggles to keep everything but mediocrity at bay, hiding the insane asylums, locking the criminals in prisons, subduing the drunkards, and suppressing the geniuses. The relentless tyranny of the mediocre majority rules. They tell me, relax my muscles, the pain will be over soon; let it breathe, to put that gun to my intellectual mind, and hear the click. It will be the last sound I will ever hear, the last pain I will ever feel. “Doesn’t it feel good to ride the wave?” they will tell me, and like a simpleton, I will reply, “Splendid, sir, absolutely splendid.” And a quiet smile will escape my face and I will just melt in, happy.
I call a toast to the advent of success. Let us drink, drink, from the poison of mediocrity! Put your glasses in the air, and let us drink. And with feverish rage, we shall all indulge in our drunker and abolish all creativity, disguised in ingenuity, art, or genius.
As if there is any sense of tolerance, any sense of intellectual range. These people: to mediocrity, may it be served mediocrity. For the time being, I’ll play along, but when the time comes, I will take over like a thief in the night. It will be proper, it will be sane, and it will be accepted.
Must the curtains close for the applause to ring?
No, I am not a genius, perhaps not even close, but it takes one to realize that there is something wrong with everything that we do, everything that we break our back for and strive for. The 'feverish rage' that sparks with wrong intentions and shortsighted visions is like a bright flame that burns out only after a couple of seconds. Why can't I take a stand for what I believe in? It's almost as if I'm lost in the sophistry of success as well.

It's a pity that my thinking relies on the inspiration of momentous words, some which carry no weight of meaning at all. I once read that Mozart was constantly thinking, reflecting, and seeing his work in sounds that resonated throughout the day. In that sense, he didn't rely on what most artists today rely on: inspiration. Every moment for him was an inspiration. Perhaps I can be more like him.

Also, I will probably die early. Not in any pessimistic sense, but that's how you solidify a legacy. Just kidding.. But just maybe, I don't see myself growing up, at least not in any mental sense.
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tired

mister bike i understand, dont be sad; your like me.
your not lazy, or dumb. your just two tired.

i had a genuine thirst for knowledge, but im sure school ripped it out of me.


sigh..




i usually like to win, but for now, i'll just draw.
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listen to my art.

Honestly, sometimes I get confused. Is my name Daniel Ko, or is Michelangelo?










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beautiful & the damned

beautiful & the damned. who says they're not the same?
what's up with the red eyeliner?
like the gazelle from the hand of the hunter, like the bird from the hand of the fowler, free yourself.
cheeseburger
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perfect

perfection

who knows perfection? thoughtless, blind or the wise?
looking at people with pupil’s constricted
confined to contours created by man and
a pursuit of perfection so pertinent
that relentless rejection retells stories
orated over and over till no end
“where is perfection? it is nowhere found here”
so the wise man sees, but the blind man thinks “its
just furthered down, drowned by purposeless pursuits”
only the thoughtless knows perfection is there

dissonance disappears into the distance
disappointment vanishes right by its side
disarray and disillusionment as well
and nothing but perfection is left behind
not much has changed, the chills are the same, and look
smog still smothers the air, death dwells after life
and pain still paints portraits of scorned emotions
but out of the ashes, harmony appears
and what's more, humanity is nowhere found
except the thoughtless who saw perfect before


----------------------------------
i wrote this couple years ago, but its still my favorite thing that i wrote

perfection

His tossing dreams met an eternal endurance to hold on to the wisps of her visage, the watermark at dawn that always silted past his fingertips; his barred thoughts, overrun and conquered by her regal beauty, never able to give way to speech; his actions embodying his locked infatuation, no longer to be suppressed by his flesh and bone alone. His heart quickened at the sound of her voice, but stopped at the ephemeral moment of colliding gazes.

Yet, the constant battle for his conscience and his conscious rampaged on, a contentious fight between what he wanted and what he could have. Her thoughts were barren and empty of his. The bell brought a fleeting sensation of hope into his body, along with the irrepressible twitch of his hallucination. His dream would live on, never to be embodied, yet perpetually lasting in the same effect. The ideal he held in his mind was real, and held even a tangible feeling to it.

However, it was no matter, for reality still held the responsibility of being reality and encompassing the truth of society. He held his dream to his heart, to let it soar though the fragments of his distorted imagination, for he knew if the dream was to resurrect, it would just spiral down the well of realism. No perfection is to be found in the eyes of mortal aesthetic, only dreams. The masquerade of flesh always hides its face from light.
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reflection

People say it goes on, right? But there's something about my life that I don't like. For all the shit i go through, nothing ever seems to happen. Am I just waiting? waiting for way too long...

In some sense, it's my own fault that my life is just passing by me. Time waits for no one. But neither does everyday competition. Neither do my feelings, and neither does anyone else.

I'm so glad its raining today, there's nothing that calms me down more than rain.

Why would someone live if they can't let themselves free? Isn't that the essence of life? The very aspect of our lives that tips the balance of everything we do?

Some things should have just never been. I always thought hope was beautiful, but its not. Hope eats at a man's soul. When that hope has been broken, its like a breathe of fresh air, tainted by bittersweet memories longing to be forgotten.

It would have never stood a chance against time, so its no wonder.

Life is no movie. Its just an overdrawn, dreary existence. The actual pity comes at the part that every single part of my life is dictated by what I do or think. Why do I live like this? Afterall, in the end, all I will be left with are memories. I'll be a little collection of memories, mortal and feeble, if I continue to live like this.

I didn't want to face the pain I guess, but its been long overdue. Its not even that bad. No, its more that I was so unfulfilled, and I thought that maybe if I waited a bit longer, that I would be free. But no, that hope is long gone dead.

Yeah, life goes on. This chapter of my life comes to end. Maybe one day, when I choose to reflect upon these times, I will open up this chapter and read it, but nothing more really. I learned at least, broadened my perspective.

I'm sorry I'm so bitter, there's nothing I can really do. I can try, but its not like the word try means anything anyways. What the fuck did I do wrong?

I'm breathless. I can't believe shit will only get worse... Isn't it amazing?
What if I will never find it? What then? Too much escalation of commitment
I was too naive. Thinking that people change. Thinking that love conquers all. But thats a fallacy. Childish thoughts. Hate? Who knows... Probably..

I'm watching 내 머리 속에 지우개. sad movies ease sad days. escape amidst the stress.

Once again, amidst everyone I love, I find myself in a self proclaimed isolation. Alone
So unfulfilled. Why did I miss out? What did I do wrong?
Never motherfuckin' again. For some reason I knew you would never come, or that nothing would even happen... Just waiting..

These memories break my heart. The inevitable nature of it all. Broken promises and dreams.

Man, it hurts. All I wanted was a lousy letter or a call.

잘지내.

7m2w





























Love (understood as the desire of good for another) is in fact so unnatural a phenomenon that it can scarcely repeat itself, the soul being unable to become virgin again and not having energy enough to cast itself out again into the ocean of another's soul.

Why do I feel so broken? These mixed feelings... heartbreak and hate?
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the end

And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light.

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that, poof. He's gone.

Love (understood as the desire of good for another) is in fact so unnatural a phenomenon that it can scarcely repeat itself, the soul being unable to become virgin again and not having energy enough to cast itself out again into the ocean of another's soul.

No Sane man will dance.

I've put in so many enigmas and puzzles that it will keep the professors busy for centuries arguing over what I meant, and that's the only way of insuring one's immortality.

Art is not peace but war.

You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

We all need mirrors to remind ourselves who we are.

Man created God in his own image.

Them being fools doesn't make my intelligence arrogance.

Repeat after me: I am free.

People do it everyday, they talk to themselves... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it.

Give me a museum and I'll fill it.

None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free.

It's a lot easier to love someone that's beautiful.

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

Tears from God are only a reassurance that the world is of men.

Haters are just people that don't agree with you, incapable of taking any sort of criticism, so fuck off: your bickering is meaningless, because contrary to what your may believe, you are entitled to nothing, no not even your useless, weak, ignorant words.


What's that smell?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Memories of a Murder
Amelie

Mother
La Jetée
La haine
Apocolyspe Now
Amadeus
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Silence of the Lambs
아저씨
12 Monkeys
12 Angry Men
Citizen Kane
Double Indemnity
Requiem for a Dream
Singin' in the Rain
Cinema Paradiso
The Science of Sleep
Bande à part
Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
Donnie Brasco
Donnie Darko
Raging Bull
Taxi Driver
8 1/2
Blue Velvet
The Shining
Seven Samurai

The Decalogue
Miller's Crossing
Mon oncle d'Amérique
5CM Per Second
Enter the Void (?)
Almost Famous (?)
Barry Lyndon
Unforgiven
Fracture
1900
The Last Emperor
Crimes and Misdemeanors
Ed Wood
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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hiatus

im going to take a break from facebook and blogging...

both represent factors of life i don't like, amongst other reasons

i barely slept today...
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who else but lu else

(my blog for the past 3 month has been horrible... just noticed...;;;)

Ahh I'm gonna miss everyone... Especially Andy and Christina. But at least they are stuck with me by blood ^^
There are few people I have come to respect in my life in the sense of who they are. My closest friends, who think on a level that I can relate to. And the people like Andy, Christina, and the people I meet for a little while (and may never meet again...) like Shorai. Obviously my girlfriend too, not necessarily for the way she thinks but because of the amount of care I have for her and she for me.

Everyone has a certain perspective about them that shines. There are some people I value to my heart, and some people that deserve that value, but don't get it, and the people that don't deserve that value.. I pity those people that are valueless, not that they may actually be valueless, but for the sake that their values are in areas that I don't value.

Things I learned:
The greatest desire a person wants is to be loved.
The reason my cousin lives is to make other people happy... Respect. I was utterly profoundly touched.
I want to live my life to it's potential, and I want to make something out of it. Kinda twisted on my part, but that's just the way it is.
-_- korean guys apparently think a lot about marriage (bleh i don't want to think of the future...)

Deep conversations are kinda rare.. So I value them.



b.o.b is nothing special... but lupe... he's something
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life lessons

Supreme Sense of Moral Conduct

1. What you don't know can't hurt you.
2. What you do know, you carry the responsibility and obligation to a degree.
3. People and life are mostly balanced.
4. Deceive the eyes, and you deceive the soul. People are deeply superficial.
5. Do what you want, and fu** the rest
6. Your identity is only what other people label you as in their eyes.
7. Have sense. If you don't.. Then act it
8. Love is an act.
9. If you look for something hard enough, you will find it. You'll find all the imperfections your ever want to see, and all the perfections you'll ever want to see
10. Life is what you make it
11. You must know how to lie
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OMGPOP

>.< I feel like the luckiest person in the world!!

and I seriously can't believe I'm going to Japan so soon.. ㅜ.ㅜ


X to the D
my level japanese
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Love is...

The answer was right before my eyes...

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13: 1-13

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Ups and Downs

There are many ups and downs in life. There are many things I want to do, but can't; there are many things I don't want to do, but have no choice. There are many things I can't do because of pride or face, and there are many things I do to save face or keep pride. The world doesn't work the way anyone wants it to, ever. The only thing you can ever do is simply accept where you are at, or be willing to change it. Or be willing to change yourself. The world does not revolve around me, or anybody else. What happens when an unstoppable force meets an unmovable object?
I've noticed I've changed these past months, to someone worse. I hope its temporary and I can regain a better outlook on life. But sometimes, all I see is a glass that's nearly empty...

I am happy that I have friends, happy that i have a family (that I hope I can be better to..), and happy that I serve under God

Those are probably the aspects of my life that make it what it is. I would be nothing without them, because who I am is not who I think I am, but a reflection of who others think I am.

My friends. My friends care about me. I hope to the end that we will not go through our separate ways, and part. But it seems so inevitable that all of us will see this time as a phase of our lives, and ultimately, nothing but a great memory. My friends will remain more than a great memory, after high school, and after college. There are some people that I want to stay in contact with for the rest of my life, because they made my childhood, and they made my memories
My family. My family also cares about me. I may turn my face away from them, treat them badly, disappoint them, and be a bad son, but they are always there, trying to help. What keeps me from accepting them? I do not understand myself, why I have to go through the trouble every time of rejecting them. I hope I will change.
My God. He loves me, because the bible tells me so. It's pretty incredible to think that a God loves me, because he can do whatever he wants. Although the world will always doubt, and my logic will tell me its all in my head, my faith overcomes all, and in the end, all will be justified. With the presence of a God in my life, will my situation and circumstances change? No, but it is the mindset and radical change of belief that keeps my head straight.

So basically, I am grateful for everyone. I am so retardedly not making sense and stupid sometimes... and the fact that the people I know still care about me is so profound, it doesn't even make sense. But its better like that. If everything made sense, there would be no point in thinking, no point in caring, no point in worrying, and no point in people to be with. Let's keep this care over our sense, and our dollars too. Death before dishonor; loyalty, family, friends and then wealth.
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Testimony.

My life. My life is the epitome of the lack of life in certain perspectives, and yet is abundant of God’s grace and blessing; I have no regrets on who I am today. I find my past relevant only to the point that it was important in shaping who I am today, an identity I can easily relate to. As I progressed through my stages in life, the fundamentals basis’s of who I am changed; my identity was altered. Who I was then, I don’t remember what I was thinking and how I viewed Jesus. I can often times relate to that being as a different person, a separate entity of myself. Whether or not that person would have gone to hell is also not to my discernment. I can only thank God that I have lived to the present, a time that I can say without a doubt I believe in the divinity of Jesus Christ and his sacrifice.

Sometimes, I look upon my life and see a tragedy. I know what the bible says, I know God, and yet my life still continues to be a stagnant path that bears similarities to nonbelievers. One would think, that as Christian, seeing the true light of reason, to see the world and society as a whole and to have a glimpse of that view from the eyes of God, that I would live undying for his purpose, never to be faltered, never to be brought down by the temptations of the world.
And yet, I tie myself around the obligations of what society wants me to be, and what I myself want myself to become. In the light that a true eternity of heaven and hell, how can I even bear to see myself bask in the shortsighted goals of my future? How can I not make that small sacrifice and contribution to an actual cause and goal for the heavenly kingdom? What are pleasures I see in the face of eternal glory? All pursuits fall short of God’s purpose for us. Maybe people were just bound away from that path by the basic path of free choice.
Humans were bound by destiny to rise and fall under the tide of emotion and heart, thought and logic. That is our perfect flaw of freedom of will.

I live my life under the face of God. All juxtapositions in my life are in the constant sight of God. But what is it we truly seek as people?

It is undeniable that our doubts will not cease to exist, but it is undeniable to acknowledge that we were not meant to know everything. Our shortsighted logic will never be able to challenge the concept of faith. The limelight of humanity focuses on the most arbitrary aspects of life, because it based upon a system in which individual success is measured in the terms of the bystander. People are inevitably bound to follow a destiny furnished by the public, to meet the standards of success they follow a path of conformity, to struggle and die for a fate handed out to them by a never fading, envious dream.

Why are people bound to follow the path that isn't based upon their own jurisdiction of what life should constitute? Because of an existence of a God, my destiny bound by an eternal tie to God’s grace. I think that people fail to realize the impact of a God on a person’s life. Yet the concept of heaven and hell lies under many like deep waters under a calm façade of peace. We are not outliers of society, and yet we don’t fall into the norm. We lie above society. Because we lie with God.
There is a much greater purpose within God. We do not live meaningless lives, because we live for a greater purpose. The scope at which God exists is outside our vision, and beyond our comprehension, but the fact that we live for an undying truth that guarantees something better than a quick-fix society is reassuring.

It was once said that World War II was won because of the two percent minority of Americans who were willing to change against society. Christians, apparently constitute sixty percent of the world’s population, yet it seems as if we are slowly being categorized into the conservative foundations of society. I shall strive to live on because I have a savior who knows my life, knows my destiny, and know my walk of life. The reassurance of a beauty that exists outside the realms of my conscience being gives me true purpose beyond my means. As cliché as it is, we are the spark of change in the rising generation.

Our own creation, thoughts, and juxtaposition of the world lie in stark contrast to the way God and the bible sees the world. Its juxtaposition of world is placed upon the highest standards, the gold of beauty, the silver of breath, and the jewels of life. Yet we live and say we are dead, die and say we are living. The anorexia of society shuts us off from celebration of true love. We covet everything that destroys us and forget all that truly matters in life. Absolution is less lest left to live.

It seems as if the standards of the world let many see the truths that society accepts, and because society spits so many lies, many don't know what truth is, and in the end, their skepticism leads us to our own demise. We brush away the light of reason and life, and the curious cat never got to see what’s in the box.
I believe that we can change that fate. We can bring souls to harvest for the kingdom of God, to allow people to be able to cherish their lives and live eternally in heaven. With initiative and true sight of God, we can become greater than we ever imagined an instrument for the heavenly throne. In a larger perspective, we are we truly living for? If not for God then what? If not for God then why? Can anyone truly answer that question under the judgment of God.

We can always hide under a masquerade of intelligence, but we will never hide from death. Memento Mori. Let us always remember our impending earthly death, and seek to live the best of our lives.

How shall we live? To strive and struggle constantly for an idealized life, or to lose sight of that perfection and let the current of fate sweep you off your feet let God guide to a path of everlasting glory.

To live for the moment and to strive for the sake of God, or to live life for future ambitions and the sake of greater life, while gambling away the present and the ephemeral joys that lie with the rose on the mellow nostalgic street corners.
To work to build the most durable foundation, to build the hollow structure of sophistication and strife, or to be the artist and compose the landscape of pastel on the canvas you stand on and let the world slowly fade into your eyes, to let it blend into the iris of your imagination. To fly with God and his purpose.

We all have a purpose on this Earth, and let us live to fulfill it. For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. Amen.
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just

what kind of a person are you when everyone has one face turned away from you
kinda painful when you feel like that

when you want to know what people think or when other people has problems
they dont talk to you and you are just outside emotions

nowadays i just feel more and more neglected and broken
so sometimes just being annoying or bitterly harsh is a defense mechanism

i can create a false feeling of superficial happiness
and theres always a tugging feeling that somethings not right and that i dont belong

sometimes i get this feeling i should just disappear when thats all i am
i hear this retarded shit. but i see just normal people.

just. dont.

honestly im happy for a while
and then i think about all this shit
and then i just go down a hole

when i get sad it really takes me a long time to recover.
at that point its basically too late and i cant take what other people say because it all feels like sympathy lies
how can people lie so easily?

i think about the way people act towards me
and i think about what kind of person i would act that way to
i guess i dont know myself that well and ive become someone i never wanted to be
but if thats who i am then thats just who i am

now i realize why i dont feel happiness these days

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nite

i need to write some more for my mixtape
i wonder if i could still consider this time 'night'
is it day?
hmm... well its dark outside, so id say its night.
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bleh

I could say whatever I want, and back it up by the argument that holds that people are inherently evil/good, and it would fly. But when you come to face the reality of the situation, there are some aspects of society that are impossible not to conform to, if you want to function.
Money? Property? Look what its made the world. This class distinctions, lack of equality, and ownership. But what can you do... turning to communism or socialism seems to be the only answer, but history has shown that no human can actually work that system well enough. We put more value into a cotton rag than some people's lives. It's made people selfish, and disturbed the natural balance of people. But its basically been incorporated so much into everyone's lives that you can't do anything about it.
So what can you do besides accepting the fact that it exists and that you have to earn it in order to function normally in the world? uh.. nothing?
You can hate food, hate what it tastes like, hate what it looks like, hate that its made many people fat and obese, but you still have to eat it...
Living poor sucks. Living rich has its benefits. Does each side differ that much? Not really. Only to the amount that you see it.
In other words, if you can, make bank. Hating money will not get you very far in this selfish society.
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bias

There are so many bias in the music industry.
People consider as a given that people like the Jonas Brothers, Kanye, Lil Wayne, and Miley Cirus make 'bad' music. scratch that, kanye makes good music, shit verses
But on the track No Love by Eminem feat. Lil Wayne... As much as I don't want to admit it because he's a retard and has so many shit verses, I really shouldn't have a bias when listening to music. Basically his verse is so good... Why the bias? It's just music. If you listen to the song without bias and all the hate on him... it's art.
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personality

Does personality make a person who they are?
But personality changes.
What makes a person who they are is your own thoughts and ideas about that person, not who that person considers themselves to be.
you can't blame your personality for what you do and who you are.
personality is not an excuse, just a factor, but not big enough of a factor to determine who you are or cover up your actions.
especially if its not consistent with other things... not sure what that is...
It's frustrating when people blame what they do/don't do on their personalities. Any refutation is unreasonable too.
I actually try really hard to change.


random sidenotes:
those who study and continue to do so are tools of society
some people are unknowingly society's prostitutes, which also make them tools
I dislike tools (actual tools, not just when we call fools tools)
I think i overuse the word society, and blame so much on it. But what else is there to blame or change?
if you lived in shit your whole life, would you smell it? that's society.
moodswings are starting to level out.
there are some people that understand how i feel when I'm down.
intense flow of thought at nighttime.
so distressing thinking about my verse. I wrote freaking two more verses but the shit just doesnt work.
i hate school, but its almost over now.
recovery... damn.
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life...

life is tragic sometimes...
is there any sense in this world?
why do the cheaters of life succeed?
honesty and integrity doesn't seem to pay off in this world
messed up value, messed up judgement

why do bad things happen to the good people?
it will be justified in the end though...
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Happy Day

Today was a happy day :)
I'm happy that I have great friends.
Forever till forever meets no end!

Thanks to all you guys~
(top got cut off.. and denny signed my card? lols random..)


I got couple presents today, they made me happy
then I ditched football with attendance with a pro
then i celebrated my birthday by working on a psych project
i will go eat soon. sashimi yay
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things i want:

sometimes i think really long and thoughtfully about why people are sad
or why i get sad, or annoyed, or stressed
i try really hard to find reasons
because there are reasons for everything, right?
but sometimes i just cant find reasons, no matter where i look
i can blame it on other stuff, but i know its not it
i try so hard to be happy but i feel so down.
i want to be happy so badly, at least for the sake of other people
i think, its so easy, just be happy! you should be happy after all, look at your circumstances, just let go!
and im right, but why?
so what do i do?
i kinda want to cry... but my pride wont let me. it wont even let myself acknowledge it.
can someone lend me a shoulder. but even that doesnt work, because my pride hides my emotions so well.

i feel. bittersweet.

when i look upon this later, ill be like, wow what is he doing, why is he posting a blog about it, how silly, what a emo kid, what a depressed child. even when reading this right now
and probably other people will think that too
but i dont care. for the fuck the world gave about a persons feelings, i dont give a fuck

you know what i really want?
i want to be happy
there are things that make me happy like
fulfillment love care someonewhoisthere appreciation thought

its a very special day. its me and my girlfriends two month anniversary.

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내 머리속 의 조각들

흠.. 인생. 이런 좆 같은 인생. 왜 이럭캐 내가 사냐, 시발..
내 생각 이 너무나 병신 같치 변앧따.
왜? 생각 을 너무나 많이 하니까.
사회 는 완전 비극 이다. 고독 의 빠저벌엿다.
이런 개삽그릇같은 사회. 선택업는 미래.. 너무나 싫어.
좆방새. 뇌가기능 을 상싷한 새상.
초보 들 이 개때 처럼 모엿어 칭찬 하는 사회. 경쟁 때문애 절망 의 꽃혔다.

ㅋㅋ

뻥이고, 내 인생 은 괜찬나.
가족 도, 친구들 도, 여자친구 도, 다너무나 나를 행복 하개 만들어조.
내가 보이는 고통 은 거이 고통 도안이 야.
침대 의서 잔은대, '고통'? 집의서 사는대, '고통'? 친구들 잇는대, '고통'?
지랄... 내가무슨 호소 할쑤잇냐? 축복 박개 업는 대.

그래도, 가끔감, 숨신은 개 너무 힘들어. 몸도 무겁고. 헐... 난 미래가 싫타.
그낭 평생 행복 하개 살소 싶어. 슬픈 은 나의 그림자.
너무 정신없어.

요즘 생각 이 많이잇다. 고백 이 있다.
난 너무 이거적이다. 자존심이 너무 만타. 시기가 너무 만태. 철이 업다.
근대, 다 변한다.
어재 출현 이 왔어. 나.. ㅜㅜ.. 시발... 나 존나 병신 이였다... 도구상자.
민영, 미얂해. 난 완전 바보 였어. 내 심장 깻어, 다시 만들어조.
너박개없어, 난. 진심을로, 나의 생각 은 너 박개 없어. 넌 나의 중독, 나의 암도감.
이해 가 종요하다. 이재 부턴, 노력 많이 할기. 걱정마.

내가 가족한태 너무나 못한다. 내가 늘그면 요감 하기 싫어..

와... 시간.. 너무 빨리 증발 한다. 헐, 재발, 좀 느리개 가조.
내 칭구들, 여친, 가족, 다 시간 더 있면 좈앧다.
생각... 하기 싫타...

오늘붙어, 숨죽여 살아야지.

ㅋㅋ 하글 로 쓰니까, 잘통한다.


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breathe

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

what a relief. the world is so shitty when you become immersed in it.
just take a few step back, so you can walk a mile forward.
just breathe and let go of everything.
words of wisdom

everything is so misdirected
what am i supposed to do?
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jk

It sucks when you have to fall asleep feeling like shit.
I wish I could just forget some of my problems.
Sometimes I hate the way I think, and I hate the way I can't do some things and I hate having pride.

Sometimes I think that I should just be happy, that's always the underlying thought of all my emotions.
But, even though I have that power to be happy, it just doesn't work like that.
When I'm sad, there's always something that keeps me from being happy, but I don't know what it is.
There's always that feeling in my stomach, that feels like a dead weight in your heart.
So even if I put on a face of being happy, that feeling will still be there if I'm sad.

So sometimes, I can't lie about my emotions although I hate the fact that it will affect some people around me if I'm in a shitty mood.
It's not so easy to be happy when I see and think about everything in my own perspective.

I bet all sad people think too much.

See, even now, I wish I could write about something happier. But I can't, because then I would be deceiving myself. I'm 100% at fault for being sad. When I am.


tiger jk mvs are awesome. he has so much passion in what he does



other songs i like by jk that have his feel:
가수지망생 (just a skit i think, but i love it, its the intro for liqour shots)
난 널 원해
엄지 손가락
uncensored love song

oh shoot i found it:


the story goes like this. jk had 5 dollars to buy some cigs andhe went and bought some, but only got 50 cents change, although it cost a buck 50. jk is so awesome

also just saying because its foreshadowed
i hate it when people tell me to freestyle
"oh yeah you rap huh freestyle for us"
who freestyles by themselves
although some people like freestyling for an audience
i dont like to
i would rather freestyle in a group of my friends just chillin
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truedat

"them being fools doesn't make my intelligence arrogance" -supreme t
relatable...


sigh.. im an arrogant bastard


i dislike those who talk as if they know something when they actually have no idea what their talking about
ignorant people runnin their mouth pisses me off

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
It’s pretty interesting when you see people (mostly girls?) going crazy for idols or idol groups
I feel like they would go insane if they saw that idol... imagine the shit fans would do for a dinner with that idol... i can easily see a fan flip out if an idol gives a freakin handshake to that fan
Idols that don't know your name, idols that haven't seen your face or noticed you
And yet for the people that actually cares or knows you
The people that love you
Can you validate your attitude to idols in comparison to the way you treat 'normal' people?

I guess normal people are treated as normal people, but what did idols do to deserve such enormous respect and god-like status (hence idol...)
They're just people that make shit that the company hands out to them
Just fuckin good looking people that are marketed well and maybe sing or dance well (or can read off verses well like g-dragon...)
Hmm... I just think that theres such a huge jump from normal people and idols
Undeserved jump...
And for the people that actually do important stuff, do they even have a significant fanbase?
ahh... But even I would flip if I saw Tablo, that fuckin genius...
on the other hand there are girls like that fat girl at the epikhigh concert, screaming and annoying the fuck out of everyone around her
i would right more but im tired and imma take a nap
maybe ill reright later
and irrelvant but: the shit we do for self gain... insane shit

like this girl in the mv, lets send our stars out into the stars, where they belong. right?
and those... tv shows.. ehh.. ill right about that later.. mafuckin gossip girl shit

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recounting our values

some interesting shit happened today haha
hilarious shit...

anyhow...
You know how life experiences make a person who they are?
Who knows what you will think about yourself 10 years later...
Maybe you'll regret studying, maybe you'll wish you studied more.
Who you are today is not who you are tomorrow...

So, couple years back, I set my friend's (Justin Lee lol...) backyard on fire.
His tree was set on flames because we were silly kids back then (we brought candles into the mountain because it was dark and we wanted to dig some holes)
The neighbor repeatedly try and tell us that his backyard was on fire, but we were badass and just ignored her, because she was an annoying prick (or so we thought).
The fire department came, and we were scared shitless.
That night, I basically got killed by my dad. At that moment, I was like 'what the fuck is wrong with my life'

But looking back on it, I'm glad it happened. Why?
Not because it made me a better person, not because I stopped playing with fire, not because I learned a lesson.
But because its a hilarious story to tell.
Our past makes us who we are, and its funny the little stories that we remember.
Will we remember our AP scores 10 years from now? Probably not.
Will we remember that stupid shit that we did instead? Most likely.
I want to make my life recountable, worth remembering. I want to tell my kids the interesting shit I did.
Not like, "kids, you know your father, well when he was in high school, he was an awesome guy. He got a five on his AP exam. Respect me now, because I am a competent human being."

My dad told me a story. In college, he nearly failed and got kicked out, because his grade were so bad. He had seven F's and the college was like "If you don't get straight A's for last semester, we're gonna kick you out."
He got straight A's that semester and spent his hours in the library while his friends were all celebrating. He then graduated with the highest honors. His parents (my grandparents) never found out, they always, and still do think that their son was a straight A student. Now he's pretty ballin'.
The stories he tells me are not of how he got good grades, or how he studied well, but how he beat the shit out of a kid in front of a teacher, or how the girl he liked brought a piece of shit (yes literally) to school and so he stopped liking her. Or how he went on a beach trip with his friends and saw the most beautiful woman he ever saw. And how that girl was prettier than my mom, but got dumped because of mom.

Couple months ago, when LC was gonna get raped by fires, I thought, "hmm, it would be a pretty interesting experience if my house burned down." So for some reason, I looked forward to it. Of course, I was a little sad, but if its inevitable, why would you get caught up about it? An experience like that would shape your life incredibly. Was it stupid to look forward to my house burning down? Duh. that's retarded.
But what if it did happen? Is my life worse because my house burned down? Is my life worse that I lose shit I don't need, like a big room, a comfortable bed, and a PS3? Is it really that bad? I seriously think that that experience would make me a better person. Of course in most sense, I obviously don't want it to happen, but if it was inevitable, as in that situation, I would appreciate it for coming. It's not like we can praise the world whenever something good happens to us, and then curse it for being shitty to us.

Its like, I bet if I were born poorer, I would probably value the things I had more. But if I had a choice, I can't give it away. If you just took it away without my consent, I would then just have no choice but the put more value into the things I have.

I got off topic.
I'm just saying, in the end, its what we value that creates us.
Does a 5 on the AP exam hold more value than beach trip we could have gone to? No.
And yet, too bad we don't have a choice to govern it.
The world's values are pretty messed up.

If you read this all, mad props. This is pretty long.
Let's live for the verse.

"life is a satire of death"
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11:11

Wishing on 11:11 is some stupid shit
Lots of girls 'wish' on 11:11 (not anyone specifically, and I think guys don't..)
Is that not... totally retarded...?
I hope nobody actually believes that? But why else would you wish if you don't believe...
Maybe it’s a sentiment of false hope?
So basically, on 11:11 you think a thought, and somehow, that thought will manifest itself in reality.
Because you thought it. And because there were four ones on your clock, which I guess means something special.
It’s a mindless, harmless gesture, and nobody cares, and it’s pretty cute
But can you actually believe that it will come true? Do you believe it will come true? Do you even go as far to hope it will come true? How much faith do you have in that wish?
Or is it just a thought, just a maybe. Even still... a maybe it a sliver of faith
Yet,
There are atheists that see praying as pointless, but doesn't praying make a lot more sense than wishing?
The thought of prayer at least travels to someone who can answer that thought in your stream of consciousness
Why don't you just pray... it’s in the same field of thought, just more logically sound than wishing.
Why does the mass majority of society accept wishing on 11:11 so readily and yet are so quick to denounce praying?
11:11 comes every damn day. Twice. If 11:11 even had a hint of actually being anything relevant to our lives, rather than a false hope, than wouldn't those 730 wishes do something?
At least for prayer, we can determine that there are three answers we can receive: yes, no, and wait (although those are actually the only answers we can get)
At least we can have a GREATER hope for something greater than this earth
At least we can have a chance of developing a relationship with God

sigh or maybe people just wish on 11:11 because its cute, or just because they can
I dont know...
I also don't know why, but I kinda feel bad for writing this
the human mind is pretty strange
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wisdom

daily proverbs reading. proverbs 8

Wisdom sure has a high place in this world.
We should strive to be wise.
Quite an obvious statement, but whats more is that through wisdom, much else follows along.
Wisdom seemed to come first, before everything in the world.
Personified as a being, she almost carries an air of.. holiness.
such power... such grace... such incredible influence...
Judging from the actions of people, most people don't consider wisdom very important.
How much of it does it play in our lives?
Do we make decisions consciously for the greater good? Do we use our time wisely? Do we counsel those we can who are in need? Do we live for God? Do we stay away from sin? Do we...? Do we...?
All the right decisions in life are wise.
God is wise. We will strive to be wise.
Wisdom. What an interesting concept.
But sigh. It's so easy just to examine and find things that should be. but its so hard to become what you say. I could run my mouth all day about things that should be, but do I stand for ANYTHING I say?

32. “now then, my sons, listen to me; blessed are those who keep my ways.
33. Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not ignore it.
34. Blessed is the man who listened to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway.
35. For whoever finds life and receives favor from the LORD.
36. But whoever fails to find me harms himself; all who hate me love death.”

On a separate tangent, today in mission training, we read Peter 1.
From that passage, I derived this:
Believing in God. Faith. It's preposterous from an objective stance.
We believe in a God in which we only have a book and our thoughts to justify in the world, and yet we live our lives for God, and devote everything to him.
Why? Because we accept his existence.
Thus, knowing so, don't we know carry the responsibility and burden of standing firm in the world, and spreading his word?
It's not what you don't know can't hurt you, as the saying goes so comfortably, but what you do know, you carry the responsibility for.
It's so damn hard to prove something that people don't want to believe.
It's so damn hard proving something that only we understand.

On another tangent, life is pain. Life is a tragedy.
but its so easy to label things that you can't change, isn't that true? It's also hard to correctly label things you don't know.
In that case, if life is not a tragedy, neither is it beautiful, gracious, or giving.
Life is not breathing, life is not circulation, life is not anything from us.
But life is a gift.
We don't have a say in what life is, because it already is.
This goes without saying for all the things in this world.
Do we really have to judge from a standpoint for something that IS?
We have no right to judge ANYTHING in the world.

I love that word. TRAGEDY. thats my favorite word.


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thoughts

its kinda funny
cuz you can think whatever you want
but you cant say alot of it
because most people dont want to hear it
so that means people construct most of their thoughts for themselves
in this world, its so strange that you do something ONLY for yourself
pretty rare
at least people can think for themselves
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life: ride of my life

we were supposed to write a 'humor piece' for my english class, but mines not funny at all. here it is:

Life: the Ride of my Life
If life’s a ride, then this has got to be a merry go round. Take the highlight reel of my life, and nobody would actually enjoy watching it. Is that really the way we want to live our lives? As cliché as it is, the phrase ‘you only live once’ cannot ring truer than before.
The way the world revolves, it’s as if nothing in the world has any meaning, and all we stand for is a mere superficial sentiment that we stand behind just for show’s sake. So let’s cut the crap. Why do we live? Some say it’s for happiness, other’s God, and some family, but all in all, most people simply live for themselves, and pursuits of a greater ‘success’ in their life.
All this boils down to the essential question that begs: what is success in our lives? Many students pursue a ‘successful’ life through taking insane classes and raising a killer GPA. But what is the reason that students at La Canada take nine AP’s? The bitter irony in the schooling system is that is strives to teach students, and relies on students that want to learn, but because of the fierce competition, students now only strive for the grade. If there’s no grade, there’s no effort. Now there’s a fundamental error in our thought process. Heh. And to think that those with high GPA’s and nine AP’s were so much better than the rest of the crowd. All they have is a twisted pursuit of success and a slouched sense of education. This essentially makes the school system useless, other than for stronger hand muscles from copying homework, and developing late night habits from cramming.
The values we hold in our lives as a whole make absolutely no sense. We hold up money so highly and think that it will get rid of our needs and wants, but it’s funny, because the top three richest people in America would more money than anything else. We hold up infidelity so highly, a media based upon sex and adultery, so I guess, based from the media, that our unconscious role models are all whores and man whores. We hold up grades so high, but much of us detest actual school learning. What if we all pursued a life that was based on something greater?
I’m not saying that we should all become Huck Finn’s and Tom Sawyer’s, and go off in the woods for a fun adventure, but I simply ask that we may be able to live for a greater purpose in our lives. A little less of the cash money, grades, and hoes, and little more of the straight moral sentiment and nostalgic moments that we can live for and remember when we are older. A life now that’s worth remembering later.
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man. fuck the AP's. thats the downfall of the schooling system.
once AP's are over, no one gives a shit. teachers dont, so students dont
If its not for a grade, nobody cares.
thats the whole concept of senioritis. who wants to learn? who wants to be a fuckin nerd?
for some reason nerds are so low on the social ladder. why?
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quotes:
"Failures my last name, Nevers my first one"
"And baby girl, what does it matter where your purse from?
Your hurr done, your nails did, your ass fat, but youre dumb" -Lupe
"Ok quit playin’ with the scissors and shit, and cut the crap
I shouldn’t have to rhyme these words in the rhythm for you to know it’s a rap" -Eminem
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the only reason why i study is for presents
am i living a dream?
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life.

stress?
priorities?
goals?
life doesn't really make any sense right now.
but whatever. itll all pass and go

I ain't much now
but come along
and in a moment
I'll be beamin' too
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sidenotes:
life is a sidenote

im an insomiac, i dont gotta sleep
know why?
cuz youre a dream come true
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It's like that

(ー.ー;) sigh.. I wrote this couple days ago but I didnt post it because i was happy. this is an angry post. I tried to reedit it but whatevs meng.

You know what pisses me off more than anything else? When my friends do stupid shit. Regrettable. That pisses me off and breaks my heart more than anything. And it makes me want to kill the person responsible for bringing them down in some cases. The world is so fucked up. People put dumb shit on pedestals. Why? Everyone knows why and has their own shortsighted reasons. And you know it's wrong yet you don't do shit to stop yourself from falling in. People
are so shortsighted. I can't emphasize it anymore. Do you have a working conscience? Its a fucking selfish act and there's nothing that can back it up. I feel sorry for you, and yet at the same time I wish I could have done something to stop it. But I can't, because in the end its your choice.

And don't give me shit or put on some bullshit mask to try and hide who you really are. Cuz who are you living for? Can you honestly answer that question? I think you can decide for yourself that your doing something wrong.
And seriously, you can't tell someone not to do something when you do it yourself. As if I'm in a worse place... That's the definition of being a hypocrite, if you haven't noticed...
You can't have your cake and eat it too. "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"

Its like the shithead that lives his whole life fuckin around and when hes about to die, he says 'oh sorry God i finally acknowledge you now, will you take me in?' all knowing that he can get into heaven.

Okay let's say everybody realized the concept of a heaven. What the fuck on earth is better than dying now? Do you really have to chase over fun at this point? There's more important shit in the world. And I wish I could stand by that statment too, but I can't

And fuckin. I don't want to think about it. Selfish people. It's selfish for those who care, just like how suicide is a selfish act. You don't realize how much other people dwell on your mistakes more than you do. You don't realize how sad how make some people.
And most of all, apart from all the hurt you cause other people, think about God. I don't think many appreciate or realize the extent of which God is a part of our lives. He is a compassionate being, more compassionate and caring than all of us.

I just hate seeing those I love fall. But for some reason I don't give a rat's ass about everyone else that falls. And there is even an extent to which I hate some people for affecting my friends. Am I blind or do I want them to fall deeper for what they have done to my friends? That in itself is wrong but I feel its justified.

Don't fall. This will come back and bite me because one day I might fall too.
I'm just saying. Because some people care.

I have no respect for those who are in "love" with the world

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My prejudices of the week:
닭살 couples are pathetic couples in so many ways
I seriously think that being fat messes with your mind, for girls. S.I.G.H. sorry.
Chinese people are the pigeons of the world.... JUST KIDDING XD i love chinese people

Five things I want to say to people, but just can't.. so i say it here:
  • Stop caring so much about other people's criticism
  • I wish I knew you better
  • Find someone better and get your morals in line again. Your better than that
  • You should be a bit more oblivious of whats going around
  • You suck at singing. and everything else
Five things I want to get better at:
  • Writing
  • Rappin'
  • I'll stop at three, too many
okay, so as I said before, I'm happy now though~

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