Ups and Downs

Ups and Downs

There are many ups and downs in life. There are many things I want to do, but can't; there are many things I don't want to do, but have no choice. There are many things I can't do because of pride or face, and there are many things I do to save face or keep pride. The world doesn't work the way anyone wants it to, ever. The only thing you can ever do is simply accept where you are at, or be willing to change it. Or be willing to change yourself. The world does not revolve around me, or anybody else. What happens when an unstoppable force meets an unmovable object?
I've noticed I've changed these past months, to someone worse. I hope its temporary and I can regain a better outlook on life. But sometimes, all I see is a glass that's nearly empty...

I am happy that I have friends, happy that i have a family (that I hope I can be better to..), and happy that I serve under God

Those are probably the aspects of my life that make it what it is. I would be nothing without them, because who I am is not who I think I am, but a reflection of who others think I am.

My friends. My friends care about me. I hope to the end that we will not go through our separate ways, and part. But it seems so inevitable that all of us will see this time as a phase of our lives, and ultimately, nothing but a great memory. My friends will remain more than a great memory, after high school, and after college. There are some people that I want to stay in contact with for the rest of my life, because they made my childhood, and they made my memories
My family. My family also cares about me. I may turn my face away from them, treat them badly, disappoint them, and be a bad son, but they are always there, trying to help. What keeps me from accepting them? I do not understand myself, why I have to go through the trouble every time of rejecting them. I hope I will change.
My God. He loves me, because the bible tells me so. It's pretty incredible to think that a God loves me, because he can do whatever he wants. Although the world will always doubt, and my logic will tell me its all in my head, my faith overcomes all, and in the end, all will be justified. With the presence of a God in my life, will my situation and circumstances change? No, but it is the mindset and radical change of belief that keeps my head straight.

So basically, I am grateful for everyone. I am so retardedly not making sense and stupid sometimes... and the fact that the people I know still care about me is so profound, it doesn't even make sense. But its better like that. If everything made sense, there would be no point in thinking, no point in caring, no point in worrying, and no point in people to be with. Let's keep this care over our sense, and our dollars too. Death before dishonor; loyalty, family, friends and then wealth.