sigh

sigh

forgive my bipolar self, but past few days in La Canada were unbelievable boring and shit wasted.
2/3 days wasted
if 2nd semester is like this, i might as well try in school.
why...
other cities are completely fine.
im just going to drive myself around i guess. party poopers... :/

aite nvm they were fine, they just could have been better

Celebration

Celebration

Yay words can't describe how happy I am that last week has come to an end...
but I hate waiting for results...
So since 1st semester is over, what should i do?
I think I wrote what to do in another blog, so I'll look at that.

I WANT TO GO TO KOREA

yeah.. words can't describe, so I'll just stop here.



My favorite musicians:

Epik High, Dynamic Duo, Drunken Tiger, Supreme Team, Double K, 산이, 리쌍
Nas, Eminem, Lupe, Kanye, Jay-Z, Biggie

J, Belle Epoque, Casker, Clazziquai, Rumblefish, Loveholic, 이수영, 이정현

Vivaldi, Satie, Mozart, Chopin

Others:
Dear by Mad Soul Child
Touche Mon Amour by Winterplay
Recent Dok2 Album
G.NA's new album
Lucite Tokki
Something About Us & Da Funk by Daft Punk
The xx
But I Love U by G-Dragon

I really like IU's voice, but I wish she would sing better songs. I like her acoustics.
Yankie should hurry up and come back. And Tablo should too.
And CRS should make an album... Everyone is so busy tho..
But then again, Detox should drop as well. lol..

Who am I?

Who am I?

I am Daniel. I am a boy. I am Korean. I am a dreamer. A musician. An artist. A student. A Christian. A missionary. An INFP. A Streetlight. A five.

french

french

lent et douloureux,
lent et triste,
lent et grave,
c'est la vie.
au revoir, ce soir je suis desole.

tiger moms

tiger moms

Today I read an articles in Times about some bitch 'tiger mom.' They are the typical Chinese mothers that push there sons and daughters to the extreme, forcing them to excel in the classics and typically violin or piano. If test scores is what they want, test scores is what they'll get but they gotta kill a child's childhood for that shit.

The article was arguing that America was laggin' compared to China in test scores and that these types of parents were good. They even argue that it is for love, and it develops essential skills. Of course, the mom regrets calling the kid 'garbage' or getting pissed for her daughter getting second place, but she says it's all out of love. If that's out of love, fuck love, cause I would rather not be loved.



oh yeah, did I mentions that MID YEAR REPORTS ARE SO STUPID
i can't believe im doing this shit alll over again..
fjasklfjsdklfjklfds
not happy.

im going sam.. stressed as a motherfucker

그대만 있다면

그대만 있다면

Go! Go! Go out and do everything you want to do!
It's a voice I hear everyday.
But most of the time, I ignore it.
Go out and have fun!
Go tell that girl that you like her!
Go punch that guy in the face!
But... No...
I'm scared.
Maybe not scared, maybe it's the parents, maybe its the personality.
But I just can't do anything I want to these days.
People see paint on my hands and they assume the worst and snitch on me.
My dad finds street signs in my closet and thinks I'm a criminal.
My mom thinks I'm insane because I threw an ax at my fridge in my garage.
I was about to throw it at the car because I was angry.
Is life short? 17 years seemed like it took a long time.
But like always, in retrospect, it went by fast, faster than I could ever take back.
And every opportunity slipped by unnoticed.
And there were even times when I noticed it too, but I didn't try to stop it.
I.. don't know...
Life just goes on, because time waits for no one.

too emotional? eh who reads this anyways.
if you do read this <3

Pieces

Pieces

A person is made up of many different pieces to themselves, pieces of identity.
This means that everyone can see each other in a different way.
A can see me in a totally different way than B does, and so can C.
So then, who can we truly determine who we are?
That is up to us, regardless of what others think.
But then, why does what we think matter, if it is only subjective?
Because it compromises our internal integrity of being.
But, do not confuse this with thinking that you are always right, because time has proved time and time again that humans are filled with fault.
Thus, an essential part of who were comes from that balance we seek between our internal integrity and our outside identity.
Who we are is a balance between who we THINK we are and who we ACTUALLY are to others.
And ultimately, the deciding factor is who we OBJECTIVELY are, in the eyes of God.
When all of those pieces of identity are put together, a person comes alive.

Be generous&kind.
Be sensible.
Be perceptive.
Be aware.
Be strong-willed.
Be yourself.

Red Ribbon Week

Red Ribbon Week

Red Ribbon Week was a while ago. My AP Gov teacher told us to write an essay on a prompt.

What can the community of La Cañada (parents/adults, local government, law
enforcement, students, etc.) do to help prevent underage alcohol usage?

This society has no hope for any source of revival in this alcohol drenched, corrupted age. The only hope can come from a flood, much like Noah’s ark, to wipe out any source of infidelity and sludge. Our coexistence with the filth of society should no longer be stood against. The proposal is this: wipe out all current members of ASB, and have them replaced by others who are more capable. Members of ASB should be leaders, leaders in terms of morality and a leader in terms of what is right. If those leaders themselves are chosen through a popularity vote, that shows the corruption in the election process. Those people are not qualified for their jobs, neither are they leader our school to a better place. Often times they indulge in alcohol themselves. They are a masquerade to school, a disheveled mess that goes against the very nature of what our school, and America itself was founded upon.

The problem with our society is that we are part of a conformist age, an age that is so stuck up upon the rule and cultures of the norm. At this point in time drinking, partying, and being “popular” is the wanted norm. Popularity doesn’t even matter in society, it’s just a twisted social pyramid based upon the whims of the good looks and being an asshole. And yet, it is these people that are setting the trends and what we do. These people drink. And because they are popular and have influence, they make it popular to drink, so other people should drink.

I propose this solution: to wipe clean the brains of all students, except those with the highest GPA and SAT (because they are the most capable in life, as SAT and GPA exactly replicate what actuality is like) and have them set up an elitist society in which the brainless are subjugated to manual labor. In such a society, there will be no alcohol for the police to worry about, and the work will be done very efficiently. The ruling aristocracy will them exterminate the humans that are physically unfit and mentally instable to create a new race of elite, without alcoholism. These people will the hope of the future, the stock of society. New schools will be instituted to teach the mindless to love work and love money, so that they will strive for it more. This environment will be called “capitalism”. There will be no longer any mindless humans and the society will be clean of its filth.

You see, this solution works because the problem that is wrong with our society is exactly alcoholism. These weekly tirades of going out to house parties for a breath of fresh air from the manacles and stress of school are absolutely wrong, even to the liberal mind. The parties are so twisted in fact, we should not be allowed any freedom at all. Freedom should be outlawed. In fact, a new system of government should be installed to outlaw fun, and happiness, as these are already despised by our society. Uniformity should also be of concern. The liberty that the people have in this age is too much; it is a source of too much creative energy. Creativity is too dangerous in a society that loves money. Let the new world era reign on.

lol. in other words, Gov is such a retarded class. jokes.

Hip-Hop Club

Hip-Hop Club

La Canada's one and only.
You hear?

A Trip down Memory Lane:

A Trip down Memory Lane:

Things I remember off the top of my head:

1. Failing my licence test. FUCK THAT. (recent)
2. My dream. There was a cute girl and we were friends, yay how happy (: (recent)
3. Going up to get an award that wasn't mine at an award ceremony in 2nd grade because my friends told me it was mine.. lol.. (2nd grade)
4. Burning a huge tree in Justin's Backyard so that the fire department had to come, I got killed by my dad. (6th grade?)
5. Attacking Patrick with a kendo stick and throwing him into a cactus because I thought he was spray painting my potato cannon, but it was actually not spray paint, but a clear liquid. Felt pretty bad after. (elementary)
6. Making smoke bombs with David and having it light in my house. Panic, panic, panic. (last year?)
7. Justin shot an arrow into my window and broke it.
8. Going snowboard, and trying to show off to older kids and faceplanting on a rail, chipping my front tooth.
9. Going on a walk at 3 am with Joe and seeing wierd-ass La Canada people just standing in front of their windows.
10. Getting lost in the streets of Japan at 12 am with Tim and Sean and just losing hope, and finding it again. Considered sleeping on the streets. (last summer)
11. When I brought my new digicam into the waters of Indonesia (it was in my swim trunk pockets), and totally feeling like shit. (6 years ago?)
12. When Shawn shot the potato cannon straight in the air and almost landing on us.
13. Trying to get up to Justin's room through the balcony, and breaking the roof.
14. Taking a rain shower in Philipines (4 years ago?)
15. Playing in the mud of Cambodia. (6 years ago?)
16. Taking the photobooth picture in Korea with the Cambodia team and looking like a girl. (6 years ago?)
17. Secretely being fed dog at Cambodia. (6 years ago?)
18. Walking in the Islands of Philipines, and Charles borrowed my belt and screwed it up. Playing with crabs. (6 years ago?)
19. When I kneed Justin in the ribs when he stole my spot on the swings so that he needed a wheelchair. (6th grade)
20. Epik High Concert with Tim and Joe. Best. Concert. Ever. Fatass behind us was obnoxiously rude tho. (10th grade?)
21. Going to the huge tunnel at Devil's Gate Dam with Kevin and David. (couple months ago)
22. Convincing everyone that I was Danny Na's cousin. (7th or so grade)
23. Freestyling after Spanish summer school with Ryan and Vickie.
24. Watching Fight Club for the first time and totally blown away.
25. When Rebecca came to my house and we were going to watch Fight Club and got totally tricked by the blu-ray. (last year)
26. Freestyling in English Class and Ryan dropped a dope line about Jasmine. (10th grade)
27. When I had to wear a freaking ring.(10th grade)
28. Playing in the play house outside my house with Andy Han, and shoving ourself into small corners to play games. (elementary school)
29. Listening to Christina talk about her life and sitting there listening, becoming really tired, but really interested at the same time.
30. Conversation in Korea with Christina about life in general at the Bread Shop.
31. Watching 칭구 with the homies.
32. Making the snowboard box with Kevin and constructing it. (couple years ago)
33. Making my potato cannon with my dad, and trying to make match rockets for about 5 hours and ultimately failing. (elementary school)
34. Lauren asked me how to spell farm. I thought she was a total dumbass. (elementary school)
35. Working on a Egyptian Gods project with Justin in sixth grade.
36. Tutoring with Joon and hearing a story about how Jasmine screwed with his contacts on his phone.
37. Being in the shark group with Justin, Brenna and (sorry forgot your name) in sixth grade and almost getting a perfect score but not because I drew badly.
38. Going to the really tiny house in India and listening to the people. (last year)
39. Those days after psych when I would brag to Jay about how I talked to Rebecca.
40. That dance... Greatest moment of my life ever. Maybe not, but it felt like that at the moment.
41. Having the conversation with Senior at the food place in Japan.
42. Grass boarding with Kevin and Justin and almost getting busted by the cops. (couple years ago. 3?)
43. Ice blocking with Justin&sisters and white people. (same)
44. Going to throw water balloon at random people on Halloween and me hitting a little girl and everyone else calling me a total douche. (last halloween)
45. T-Ping this one girls house three times in a row, only to find out that it was not her house.
46. Reunion with my old friend Patrick, Jasmine and Justin at the Christmas party and going to Jack-in-the-box and Descanso afterwards. (Last Christmas)
47. In sixth grade when girl gave me hug for a dare.
48. Memorizing 10 out of 10 by 2pm. hm. (last last summer)
49. Those days when I was in love with 이정현. She was so good. (long ago)
50. Talking in football practice with Jo and just playing around. (last couple years)
51. When I could actually bench and clean a decent amount. (two years ago)
52. When I went to Whistler with Tim to snowboard. Sooo big and so fun. (one year ago?)
53. Trying to cut a piece of tape, but then accidentally cutting my finger and having it bleed profusely. (4-5th grade?)
54. When I was rollerblading and fell really badlly and scraped my knees.
55. Accidentally drinking alcohol (in the form of some soysauce??) and getting kinda buzzed in the Philippines.. On a mission.. sigh.
56. Going to ceramics with Kevin a couple days ago.
57. Seeing my aunt totally wasted. (many years ago)
58. Accidentally drinking soju (long long time ago)
59. When Senior and Mary drank 막걸리 at the airport (last summer)
60. Helping Jacqueline with her essays free, while I wrote Tim's friend's essay for $75 (couple years ago0
61. Sleeping the tent with Shorai and just talking till really late in Japan. (last summer)
62. When Madoka gave me the D and I put it on my forehead kept it there for a long time. (last summer)
63. Going sign ravishing with the elite crew (Kevin, David, Ben, Joe, Me) and almost failing on our first one and losing hope.(couple months ago)
64. When there was a fire in La Canada and Jasmine was sending me emails about how she thought her house was going to burn down and I was just chillin', and accepting my fate that maybe my house will burn down. (last last summer)
65. The regret that I just should have made a move for that one girl. (last last summer)
66. Those long nights doing Bio vocab with David.
67. Praying with Justin Yoon in Cambodia.
68. Playing 'fire' with Yujin, Brian, and Charles, and finding that Jack of Diamonds.
69. Poker days. On night in particular when I lost 20 dollars to eddie. In quarters. IN QUARTERS.
70. Asking Tablo if he wanted to eat Crab. (10th grade)
71. Taking a pee in the school trash can. I don't remember the details, but I remember it was late and the bathrooms were locked.
72. When Jasmine announced to our English class we were going to make a restaurant together. (10th grade)
73. When Sean made my myspace and wrote on that one girl's wall, devastating me. (7 years ago?)
74. Convincing Andy Han that if he peed on a dollar, it would become radioactive.
75. Digging holes in my backyard. (8th grade?)
76. My airsoft birthday party with the trenches in my backyard. (8th grade?)
77. When Yujin and Ray introduced me to Deborah, saying that she could be my 'arm candy', trying to hook me up.
78. Playing omgpop. So fun haha.
79. Meeting Boa and feeling like a Boss when i cut the whole line because of hook ups and talking to her for the longest time, so others didn't have a chance.
80. Getting in a car crash on Martin Luther King day with my friend.
81. Thomas, my good friend in fourth grade, and how we would talk and go to each others houses and play.
82. When I used to go to Eddie's house almost every day after school.
83. When I used to go to Albert's house almost every day after school.
84. Killing bees in my front yard.
85. Sleep overs with Tim, Senior, and Sean.
86. The Cousin Reunion in Korea.
87. Burning a hole in the carpet of my old town house.
88. When I was depressed as a mofo after getting rejected from a girl.
89. When me, David, and Joe went to NRB and just went apeshit.
90. Just hustling my cousin's bf in pool, but then ultimately letting him win.
91. When Charles and I went to go shoot the potato cannon at the park near his house and got scared after seeing a cop.
92. Feeding the homeless @ Skid Row. Really good experience.
93. Killing Cactus with Kevin and getting discovered by a group of girls, and booking it, thus securing the covenant.
94. Being good friends with Artin, and Max in 7th grade.
95. The first time I listened to 낙화 and White.
96. Fireworks in Korea with Brian and Alex.
97. The iCare CD promotion concert. Stage rapping is so fun. IF YOU KNOW THE LYRICS ㅠ.ㅠ
98. Rapping the Warning song with Victor and Tim.
99. When I did archery at the range. Those days were fun.
100. Getting pulled out of Bruno. Twice.

These are only 100 things that I can think of from the top of my head. Its so interesting how numerous amount of people create these memories, some being extremely insignificant in the eyes of the other person. But people step in and out of each other's lives all the times, always affecting and being affected by each other. The people I mentioned may not even remember these memories, but to me, they were pretty significant (significant enough for me to remember at the least). The memories came mostly as a chain, each one pretty much tied to the ones around them. It was just interesting to remember funny little things.

I love seeing people happy

Breaks&Weekends

Breaks&Weekends

Breaks&Weekends are like good dreams that come to an end.
Why do you have to end?
All good things come to an end...
But so do bad things? I don't know.

I have this really instinctive urge to rap on stage.
Or to do something illegal! uh oh!
번개처럼 높게 뛰어올라 LIKE NINJA!!!!

and one more thing:
I secretly like g-dragon's rap (oh no!)

Celebrities

Celebrities

Celebrities I admire and respect (not in any particular order):

Tablo
Banksy
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Jesus (not a celebrity, but he's bomb)
양동근
윤하
임재범
Edward Norton
Kevin Spacey
Tiger JK & T
현빈
James Joyce


is it a coincidence that many of the people on this list suffered from chronic depression or are trying to change the world? Or at least can act like it?

Words

Words

I wish I could say the things I really mean...

Things I would say (and hopefully will say):
I'm sorry.
I love you.
(x10)

That sums up most of it, but those five words are so hard to say, its ridiculous.
I wrote down a whole list of things on my mind that I want to say, but looking back on it, there are some things that shouldn't be said (but some should be).

It's come to my mind that maybe I should be a better person to others. So difficult... Even though I don't say what's on my mind all the time, sometimes only to my closest friends, the words that I do say are sometimes ridiculous. When I look back at some things, I think, 'how did I think of that?' But somehow, it all makes sense to me. Of course, not to some others.

Everyone has their own idea of what they think is right. Sometimes it takes a lot of humility to lower yourself to their standard, and sometimes it's could be considered cowardly or weak to do so. But out of humility, and common courtesy, other opinions should be respected.

For example, g-dragon, or 2pm. I abhor the image that they stand for. But they also deserve respect for the talent that they have, whatever that may be. Who knows, one day we may all be in the spotlight, and feel the very burn that we (I) put on others.

It's easy to label people. 'Dude she's a whore' 'Fuckin' tool' 'She's fake' 'She sucks at singing'
But, with a closer look, you can seek that there are always other parts of a person that stand out. If you look for something hard enough, you are guaranteed to find it, and if that something is bad, you will see it. It works the same way if you look for something beautiful, you will find it.

On another note, assumptions are so invalid. It's disgusting when people take facts and stretch them over assumptions. That leads to many other things, such as snitching, rumors, implications, and lies. All bad.

And sometimes it makes me feel so guilty when I feel like this, because we all know, or at least I do, that words are the greatest hypocrites. It's going to kill me the next time I come upon this utterly blatant realization, because I always have this tugging feeling that say 'your going to forget'. But maybe I'll try my best to remember.

Words, words, are all we have to live on.

I am slowly growing to be person that I can respect.

reminisce

reminisce

remember? back in the day
grade school, just faded away
no worries, no problems,
antique was modern
but cute was cute
and shit, i remember i used to play flute
remember? when i didn't have to do shit
this nuisance,
and if i bought it, i losed it,
and i bought it again
valley veiw, i remember you
and the crew
and going up for the award that wasn't mine
but i didn't mind
cuz confidence wasn't no thing i worried about
i had a quiet mouth
quiet crowd, i was a quiet kid
then moving schools,
and i only had one friend
remember you till end
we were loners, but i didnt even know what that was
well, cuz.. all i needed was trust
and this girl asked me how to spell farm
and i was like what the h e double hockey stick
cuz shit. back then i didnt curse
but now, look at this verse
going all out with no remorse
and the sixth grade science class
i was a smartass
getting awards for my science
now its just a compliance
on the verge of a defiance
and that one time,
i was the cause that my shark group lost points
and that one time, i didn't do shit for the owl project,
but i took it home, sorry guys
and my best friend was my best friend,
and we didnt have social pressures
and weed to worry about splitting us apart
you wrote best bud in my yearbook,
one of the only people that wrote something meaningful
the memories of burning trees
and planting them, and cooking
didnt care if no one was looking
and my other best friend
relationships screwed up cuz we had nothing in common
i look at you guy now and just say hi
but there isnt even a reason for a bye
oh yeah and remember at the end of sixth grade?
that cute girl gave me a hug
but apparently for a dare of twenty bucks
i still felt good, maybe it was luck
and cant forget the camping trips
talking about girls
and ck was like you gotta step your game up
but i never did, jokes, i kid
cold ass breakfast, making new friends,
but like all things, that faded away too
and even you, sparky
do you remember me?
i gave you away to a strange little girl
but i'm sure its a better world
down memory lane, there's cambodia and philipines too
high school crushes, sigh i was a retard
screwed it up, got it going, screwed it up
and got misled and screwed up again
i was a scared kid in history,
then i picked up the pen
in tenth grade, and i met a particular kid
you liked rap too
you were pretty happy back then,
rapping on long nights with the piano kid
and sitting in bio talking about
explicit things, and high hopes for high places.
and facebook, what a funny little joke
i remember that one day, my old friend was like
i'll hook it up, but never did

and i look back, and it will never come back
happy times and sad times alike
just let it be
im just out to make more memories

rant

rant

Why am I tired after sleeping 12 hours... -.-
I just want school to end..................................................
I hate physics... and gov... retard classes in my opinion. and calc...
that leaves.. environmental science, ceramics, and literature.
I like those. apes, we dont do shit and we go on fun little field trips
ceramics you just play with clay
lit is interesting because mohney is interesting
but physics walsh is sooo bad teacher! and bad grading system and impossible tests...
kalb is a boring ass class, no need to even attend
and calc fatass leko is just so anal about turning things in.. i got screwed couple times because i didnt mark myself as 'ill'
these fuckin attendence tards, even them, it only matters about the money
k so if you excuse your absence, like sign yourself out if your 18, you still get fucked for grades because the school doesnt get any money
but if your 'sick' then you can turn shit in late and get full credit cuz the school gets money still
blahblahblah
what a frustrating predicament.. esp in 2nd semester, but i dgaf bro namean
sorry bout the rant >.<
-------------
hm k so... let's plan...

get some piano lessons.. find a cute teacher or something for incentive and learn piano..
gain some fame through my mixtape and become a celebrity..
write a bestseller..
hold a concert at madison square garden..
marry the love of my life..
travel to paris and do some art..
open up my own studio..
be a good believer..
be happy forever and ever and never be sad ever ever
make sure my front hair doesnt have this retarded curled thing
fix this retarded shit on my chest or just get enough pex so it doesnt even matter
go to a damn good college

just kidding...

actual plan.
get piano teacher
finish mixtape and get some fame
wait for college admissions, which i hope will be good
verse (o.O! secret!)
sex (not actual sex but like.. uhmm... this plan.. uhh yeah. -.- just decided to call it that cuz charles thought it would be funny)
making fun memories
working on resolutions
being happy :)
GO TO KOREA WOOHOO
get id and learn to drive lol...

maybe my fantasized plans will come true

Rabble

Rabble

I haven't actually wrote about what happens in my life at all in this blog mostly...
So here goes.
I went to a Graduate Physics Seminar today at Caltech. Measuring the neutrinos and anti-neutrinos in MonteCarlo Universes with the MiniBooNE oscillator. Fun stuff.
I had to sit there for an hour and take notes while I pretended to understand hints of gibberish (well, what I considered gibberish).
Yesterday, I went to church and went icing (those of you who don't know what this is, chances are you weren't meant to know)
On Saturday, I went to K-town and ate 고기 at 별대포 and had a short session of NRB. Brian Park tried to make a retarded point similar to his argument that plastic surgery could be genetically inherited to create better looking people.
On Friday, I went icing at some sketchy-ass places. Senior scared the shit out of Tim and I (at that point, I thought I was gonna get mugged or what not...)
Whatever, pretty boring ass shit overall. I'm just waiting for second semester (less than a month left yay)

I'll end this with a little anecdote of my second grade crush. For fun...
In the second grade I used to like a girl (we will call her A for the sake of anonymity for now...) but I was really shy so I kept it a secret. My dad used to tease me about it and stuff but really, nobody knew. One day, for my ninth birthday, I invited everyone to my birthday party. As I was handing invitations out, I had my last one, which was for A. But then these retards came and we're like, "Oh we will give it to her," and I just said okay. But then A laughed upon getting the invitation and rejected and I just lost hope.
I then moved schools. There were not many girls there that I liked. Yeah... End of story. I mean, I didn't even hit puberty yet. When I moved into high school, there was some girl, B, but then shit was just retarded and we lacked social skills, so that really didn't work out. I don't really know what happened, or I just forgot. Confused incident that I don't want to recall.
Maybe in ninth grade or so, i liked a girl. We will call her C. But I was still unbelievably shy, still, with girls that I thought were cute. In bio, me and my other friend would talk about her, but it was all dreaming nonetheless. Similar to how we dreamt about how we would both go to Stanford. Pretty childish. I'm not gonna say too much, cuz that would give it away, and thats no fun. I was just really confused, or misled, one or the other. I thought I was going somewhere, and I thought I put myself out there, but the txt responses were freaking slow and annoying and I just gave up because she never really responded. I remember me and Joe would calculate facebook responses and stuff, and try to figure the whole thing out, but it was really useless. Funny story in retrospect, maybe I'll tell it later. Big sigh. Maybe I will grow up and just do something about it.
Yeah, so things never really got anywhere. It was like that for most of people that I heard rumors (who knows if they were even true) that liked me. Except one girl. She was loud, and i just remember in the sixth grade she was my seat partner in one class. And another one, but she said she wanted to be best friends and me being some innocent kid just thought best friends meant actually best friends. That faded away.

My story is just one of confusion and bad timing. I don't even know why I wrote this out, but I just wanted to work on the whole resolution thing about talking with cute girls. Girl C is still pretty damn cute tho.

And I also started rolling with the Lucid dreams. I think at one point, I'll have some trouble discerning between my dreams and my memories, which won't be too good. I have a dream almost every time I sleep (it increased dramatically in the past few months) and its just ridiculous.

And as side note, someone gave me a physical copy of the GD&TOP album. I found that kinda funny. Can TOP's rap get any worse? YG can throw one hell of a concert though.

Beautiful Losers!

Beautiful Losers!

There is no 'end' in indepindence.

I need a name. Any suggestions?
It's a wonderful feeling when every wall starts looking like a canvas.
And when every sign is just begging to be taken down.
Or when every instrumental seems so abused and empty.

I suppose that's where i fit in.
I want to become an entertainer when I grow up.
So that I can entertain the world. With a message.
I think that's the only way to still be a person I like, even when I'm an adult.
And it's fun huh?
Who wants to join me? 2nd semester is going to be so fun

I think life always has that scale, or balance. I say it all the time, but it's totally true. I wish I could have nothing to lose, but it's not true, because I have everything to be lose.
Everything that makes me feel good somehow has a downside, like its illegal, or immoral, or it's just really really hard to do it and I have to work my ass off.
So I have to find that balance.

I seriously wonder sometimes how I am going to be as an adult.
I'll probably have to pay taxes.
If I think of it like that, it seems like the first step of being totally and utterly sucky.

Resolutions

Resolutions

2011. What a funny lookin' year.
This is the year that I never get to see high school again. 12 years come to a close.
Apparently the world's gonna end in a year? Because the Mayans said so?
Thats redic. It's no wonder we're stuck in the old regime.
2010 was not too great of a year.
It was whatever, but I would go back and change many things if I could.
But hindsight means almost nothing, it's the future that counts.

Resolutions:
Take from the streets, give back to the streets. Lose the fear. Be fearless
Art and piano. Writing and rhymes. Read more. Just to expand the arts.
Be better at talking with cute girls. Strangely I have a real hard time with this.
Be able to forget. I'm not the type to forget, but some things don't need memories.
Be nicer to my bro and the fam.
Pray often and read the book.
Don't bag on the tools so much. Who knows, it's all perspective. Understanding.
On that note, build up my rapping rep with mixtape. JHa maybe I'll diss you. tool.
Improve the Korean. It's slowly building up.
Expand my circle of friends. Maybe it's a trust issue, or just a personality issue.
Think outside the box. This applies in many ways.
Be generous always. Oh, this one is so damn hard, it's ridiculous.

We will see how capable of a person I am...
Wish me luck! 2011, another year, another journey!

No more apps

No more apps

Dear College Admissions,

Thank you for ruining my break.
I secretly hate you, but I have to pretend like I like you guys for now.

Sincerely,
Daniel

stream of consciousness

stream of consciousness

He always told himself, life would be so much more than it is right now, but these thoughts remain perpetually amiss. Every single thought of freedom is eventually drowned by time. They say time waits for no one. It's a sad reality, he told himself, but the sad reality was that he wouldn't do anything to help himself. Maybe in a year, when I'm off and away, then I'll be free. Funny, I heard the same thing four years ago, eight years ago. He started counting his chances in increments of four. He loved the number fourteen till he reached it, loved the number eighteen till it found him in his same purposeless thirteen year old mind, and when that number came, he loved the number twenty one, because it sounded like freedom, but when it came around, he lost interest. Everything was at the wrong time. If only he had been born four years before his interests, yet lived in the present. If his time frame of now was instead four years ago, in a body four years older. Wouldn't that be nice? He wouldn't be afraid to try new things, to talk to that pretty girl at school, to say 'no' once in a while, or to take that rock and throw it at that assholes car. But no, it was a shame he was stuck in the present, and the looming irony was that he was never living for the moment

He takes his heavy head and lifts it out of the dirt? Where is he? It must be a dream, he said, waiting for the presence of impossibility to fade away. But it didn't nothing so out of place fades away like that. I wonder. Why, what? Well there's an idea, the imbecile says, his conscience taunts him. Where. Okay what a wonderful being you are to have the capability to have such superfluous and philosophical thinking! You are a truly, and utterly honest and amazing human being, much more than the ant swarm below us. I am. No, you aren't, silly. Your nothing.

And if I could play the soft evil ghost of his conscience, I would. But I would do so much more than taunt him, because I can get away with everything right? I'm his conscience, I'm him, I'm not me, he's me so he blames himself. Take that back, he doesn't even know how to blame himself, so he lets others blame him for himself, a pleasant trade-off. Oh he's just insane, don't mind his blabbering. I suppose that gives him a colorful excuse to think whatever he pleases and get away with it. At the point where others let you think freely, they call you insane, or demented and twisted. If this was true, I suppose in a way it would be so much better to be demented or twisted amongst that flock of seagulls, the mediocre languid pile of dead Holocaust sheep.

Hey, aren't you someone special? Sarcasm feels so good on paper. He can't really move his body. Am I. What do you think you are? Anything worth anything part of any self loathing any any any? Real? Estate? You can't just throw a sentence out there and expect your conscience to understand. Hey you, you! Go to that fridge and pull out the orange juice. Okay, now drink it. Good, let the pulp drench the sides of your dirty, contaminated throat. Now put it back. Hm, this kinda feels good. He looks, but can't see anything. No, don't look or try to see. He stops. Now.. Go live.

From that day on, he was the happiest piece of flesh on the face of the crusty earth. If only we could do something like that ourselves. Just let that little voice in your head click, and off off you run away, into the beautiful, twisted and mental darkness.