jk

jk

It sucks when you have to fall asleep feeling like shit.

I wish I could just forget some of my problems.

Sometimes I hate the way I think, and I hate the way I can't do some things and I hate having pride.

Sometimes I think that I should just be happy, that's always the underlying thought of all my emotions.

But, even though I have that power to be happy, it just doesn't work like that.

When I'm sad, there's always something that keeps me from being happy, but I don't know what it is.

There's always that feeling in my stomach, that feels like a dead weight in your heart.

So even if I put on a face of being happy, that feeling will still be there if I'm sad.

So sometimes, I can't lie about my emotions although I hate the fact that it will affect some people around me if I'm in a shitty mood.

It's not so easy to be happy when I see and think about everything in my own perspective.

I bet all sad people think too much.

See, even now, I wish I could write about something happier. But I can't, because then I would be deceiving myself. I'm 100% at fault for being sad. When I am.

tiger jk mvs are awesome. he has so much passion in what he does

other songs i like by jk that have his feel:

가수지망생 (just a skit i think, but i love it, its the intro for liqour shots)

난 널 원해

엄지 손가락

uncensored love song

oh shoot i found it:

the story goes like this. jk had 5 dollars to buy some cigs andhe went and bought some, but only got 50 cents change, although it cost a buck 50. jk is so awesome

also just saying because its foreshadowed

i hate it when people tell me to freestyle

"oh yeah you rap huh freestyle for us"

who freestyles by themselves

although some people like freestyling for an audience

i dont like to

i would rather freestyle in a group of my friends just chillin

truedat

truedat

"them being fools doesn't make my intelligence arrogance" -supreme t

relatable...

sigh.. im an arrogant bastard

i dislike those who talk as if they know something when they actually have no idea what their talking about

ignorant people runnin their mouth pisses me off

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It’s pretty interesting when you see people (mostly girls?) going crazy for idols or idol groups
I feel like they would go insane if they saw that idol... imagine the shit fans would do for a dinner with that idol... i can easily see a fan flip out if an idol gives a freakin handshake to that fan
Idols that don't know your name, idols that haven't seen your face or noticed you
And yet for the people that actually cares or knows you
The people that love you
Can you validate your attitude to idols in comparison to the way you treat 'normal' people?

I guess normal people are treated as normal people, but what did idols do to deserve such enormous respect and god-like status (hence idol...)
They're just people that make shit that the company hands out to them
Just fuckin good looking people that are marketed well and maybe sing or dance well (or can read off verses well like g-dragon...)
Hmm... I just think that theres such a huge jump from normal people and idols
Undeserved jump...

And for the people that actually do important stuff, do they even have a significant fanbase?

ahh... But even I would flip if I saw Tablo, that fuckin genius...

on the other hand there are girls like that fat girl at the epikhigh concert, screaming and annoying the fuck out of everyone around her

i would right more but im tired and imma take a nap

maybe ill reright later

and irrelvant but: the shit we do for self gain... insane shit

like this girl in the mv, lets send our stars out into the stars, where they belong. right?

and those... tv shows.. ehh.. ill right about that later.. mafuckin gossip girl shit

recounting our values

recounting our values

some interesting shit happened today haha

hilarious shit...

anyhow...

You know how life experiences make a person who they are?

Who knows what you will think about yourself 10 years later...

Maybe you'll regret studying, maybe you'll wish you studied more.

Who you are today is not who you are tomorrow...

So, couple years back, I set my friend's (Justin Lee lol...) backyard on fire.

His tree was set on flames because we were silly kids back then (we brought candles into the mountain because it was dark and we wanted to dig some holes)

The neighbor repeatedly try and tell us that his backyard was on fire, but we were badass and just ignored her, because she was an annoying prick (or so we thought).

The fire department came, and we were scared shitless.

That night, I basically got killed by my dad. At that moment, I was like 'what the fuck is wrong with my life'

But looking back on it, I'm glad it happened. Why?

Not because it made me a better person, not because I stopped playing with fire, not because I learned a lesson.

But because its a hilarious story to tell.

Our past makes us who we are, and its funny the little stories that we remember.

Will we remember our AP scores 10 years from now? Probably not.

Will we remember that stupid shit that we did instead? Most likely.

I want to make my life recountable, worth remembering. I want to tell my kids the interesting shit I did.

Not like, "kids, you know your father, well when he was in high school, he was an awesome guy. He got a five on his AP exam. Respect me now, because I am a competent human being."

My dad told me a story. In college, he nearly failed and got kicked out, because his grade were so bad. He had seven F's and the college was like "If you don't get straight A's for last semester, we're gonna kick you out."

He got straight A's that semester and spent his hours in the library while his friends were all celebrating. He then graduated with the highest honors. His parents (my grandparents) never found out, they always, and still do think that their son was a straight A student. Now he's pretty ballin'.

The stories he tells me are not of how he got good grades, or how he studied well, but how he beat the shit out of a kid in front of a teacher, or how the girl he liked brought a piece of shit (yes literally) to school and so he stopped liking her. Or how he went on a beach trip with his friends and saw the most beautiful woman he ever saw. And how that girl was prettier than my mom, but got dumped because of mom.

Couple months ago, when LC was gonna get raped by fires, I thought, "hmm, it would be a pretty interesting experience if my house burned down." So for some reason, I looked forward to it. Of course, I was a little sad, but if its inevitable, why would you get caught up about it? An experience like that would shape your life incredibly. Was it stupid to look forward to my house burning down? Duh. that's retarded.

But what if it did happen? Is my life worse because my house burned down? Is my life worse that I lose shit I don't need, like a big room, a comfortable bed, and a PS3? Is it really that bad? I seriously think that that experience would make me a better person. Of course in most sense, I obviously don't want it to happen, but if it was inevitable, as in that situation, I would appreciate it for coming. It's not like we can praise the world whenever something good happens to us, and then curse it for being shitty to us.

Its like, I bet if I were born poorer, I would probably value the things I had more. But if I had a choice, I can't give it away. If you just took it away without my consent, I would then just have no choice but the put more value into the things I have.

I got off topic.

I'm just saying, in the end, its what we value that creates us.

Does a 5 on the AP exam hold more value than beach trip we could have gone to? No.

And yet, too bad we don't have a choice to govern it.

The world's values are pretty messed up.

If you read this all, mad props. This is pretty long.

Let's live for the verse.

"life is a satire of death"

11:11

11:11

Wishing on 11:11 is some stupid shit
Lots of girls 'wish' on 11:11 (not anyone specifically, and I think guys don't..)
Is that not... totally retarded...?
I hope nobody actually believes that? But why else would you wish if you don't believe...
Maybe it’s a sentiment of false hope?
So basically, on 11:11 you think a thought, and somehow, that thought will manifest itself in reality.
Because you thought it. And because there were four ones on your clock, which I guess means something special.
It’s a mindless, harmless gesture, and nobody cares, and it’s pretty cute
But can you actually believe that it will come true? Do you believe it will come true? Do you even go as far to hope it will come true? How much faith do you have in that wish?
Or is it just a thought, just a maybe. Even still... a maybe it a sliver of faith
Yet,
There are atheists that see praying as pointless, but doesn't praying make a lot more sense than wishing?
The thought of prayer at least travels to someone who can answer that thought in your stream of consciousness
Why don't you just pray... it’s in the same field of thought, just more logically sound than wishing.
Why does the mass majority of society accept wishing on 11:11 so readily and yet are so quick to denounce praying?
11:11 comes every damn day. Twice. If 11:11 even had a hint of actually being anything relevant to our lives, rather than a false hope, than wouldn't those 730 wishes do something?
At least for prayer, we can determine that there are three answers we can receive: yes, no, and wait (although those are actually the only answers we can get)
At least we can have a GREATER hope for something greater than this earth
At least we can have a chance of developing a relationship with God

sigh or maybe people just wish on 11:11 because its cute, or just because they can

I dont know...

I also don't know why, but I kinda feel bad for writing this

the human mind is pretty strange

wisdom

wisdom

daily proverbs reading. proverbs 8

Wisdom sure has a high place in this world.
We should strive to be wise.
Quite an obvious statement, but whats more is that through wisdom, much else follows along.
Wisdom seemed to come first, before everything in the world.
Personified as a being, she almost carries an air of.. holiness.
such power... such grace... such incredible influence...
Judging from the actions of people, most people don't consider wisdom very important.
How much of it does it play in our lives?
Do we make decisions consciously for the greater good? Do we use our time wisely? Do we counsel those we can who are in need? Do we live for God? Do we stay away from sin? Do we...? Do we...?
All the right decisions in life are wise.
God is wise. We will strive to be wise.
Wisdom. What an interesting concept.

But sigh. It's so easy just to examine and find things that should be. but its so hard to become what you say. I could run my mouth all day about things that should be, but do I stand for ANYTHING I say?

32. “now then, my sons, listen to me; blessed are those who keep my ways.
33. Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not ignore it.
34. Blessed is the man who listened to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway.
35. For whoever finds life and receives favor from the LORD.
36. But whoever fails to find me harms himself; all who hate me love death.”

On a separate tangent, today in mission training, we read Peter 1.
From that passage, I derived this:
Believing in God. Faith. It's preposterous from an objective stance.
We believe in a God in which we only have a book and our thoughts to justify in the world, and yet we live our lives for God, and devote everything to him.
Why? Because we accept his existence.
Thus, knowing so, don't we know carry the responsibility and burden of standing firm in the world, and spreading his word?
It's not what you don't know can't hurt you, as the saying goes so comfortably, but what you do know, you carry the responsibility for.

It's so damn hard to prove something that people don't want to believe.

It's so damn hard proving something that only we understand.

On another tangent, life is pain. Life is a tragedy.
but its so easy to label things that you can't change, isn't that true? It's also hard to correctly label things you don't know.
In that case, if life is not a tragedy, neither is it beautiful, gracious, or giving.
Life is not breathing, life is not circulation, life is not anything from us.
But life is a gift.
We don't have a say in what life is, because it already is.
This goes without saying for all the things in this world.
Do we really have to judge from a standpoint for something that IS?
We have no right to judge ANYTHING in the world.

I love that word. TRAGEDY. thats my favorite word.

thoughts

thoughts

its kinda funny

cuz you can think whatever you want

but you cant say alot of it

because most people dont want to hear it

so that means people construct most of their thoughts for themselves

in this world, its so strange that you do something ONLY for yourself

pretty rare

at least people can think for themselves

life: ride of my life

life: ride of my life

we were supposed to write a 'humor piece' for my english class, but mines not funny at all. here it is:

Life: the Ride of my Life

If life’s a ride, then this has got to be a merry go round. Take the highlight reel of my life, and nobody would actually enjoy watching it. Is that really the way we want to live our lives? As cliché as it is, the phrase ‘you only live once’ cannot ring truer than before.

The way the world revolves, it’s as if nothing in the world has any meaning, and all we stand for is a mere superficial sentiment that we stand behind just for show’s sake. So let’s cut the crap. Why do we live? Some say it’s for happiness, other’s God, and some family, but all in all, most people simply live for themselves, and pursuits of a greater ‘success’ in their life.

All this boils down to the essential question that begs: what is success in our lives? Many students pursue a ‘successful’ life through taking insane classes and raising a killer GPA. But what is the reason that students at La Canada take nine AP’s? The bitter irony in the schooling system is that is strives to teach students, and relies on students that want to learn, but because of the fierce competition, students now only strive for the grade. If there’s no grade, there’s no effort. Now there’s a fundamental error in our thought process. Heh. And to think that those with high GPA’s and nine AP’s were so much better than the rest of the crowd. All they have is a twisted pursuit of success and a slouched sense of education. This essentially makes the school system useless, other than for stronger hand muscles from copying homework, and developing late night habits from cramming.

The values we hold in our lives as a whole make absolutely no sense. We hold up money so highly and think that it will get rid of our needs and wants, but it’s funny, because the top three richest people in America would more money than anything else. We hold up infidelity so highly, a media based upon sex and adultery, so I guess, based from the media, that our unconscious role models are all whores and man whores. We hold up grades so high, but much of us detest actual school learning. What if we all pursued a life that was based on something greater?

I’m not saying that we should all become Huck Finn’s and Tom Sawyer’s, and go off in the woods for a fun adventure, but I simply ask that we may be able to live for a greater purpose in our lives. A little less of the cash money, grades, and hoes, and little more of the straight moral sentiment and nostalgic moments that we can live for and remember when we are older. A life now that’s worth remembering later.

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man. fuck the AP's. thats the downfall of the schooling system.

once AP's are over, no one gives a shit. teachers dont, so students dont

If its not for a grade, nobody cares.

thats the whole concept of senioritis. who wants to learn? who wants to be a fuckin nerd?

for some reason nerds are so low on the social ladder. why?

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quotes:

"Failures my last name, Nevers my first one"

"And baby girl, what does it matter where your purse from?

Your hurr done, your nails did, your ass fat, but youre dumb" -Lupe

"Ok quit playin’ with the scissors and shit, and cut the crap

I shouldn’t have to rhyme these words in the rhythm for you to know it’s a rap" -Eminem

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the only reason why i study is for presents

am i living a dream?

life.

life.

stress?

priorities?

goals?

life doesn't really make any sense right now.

but whatever. itll all pass and go

I ain't much now

but come along

and in a moment

I'll be beamin' too

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sidenotes:

life is a sidenote

im an insomiac, i dont gotta sleep

know why?

cuz youre a dream come true