Discourse on Emotion Pt. 2

Discourse on Emotion Pt. 2

Pride&Humility

These days I've been having trouble trying grasp sincerity, and who I am. Basically being true to my self and being real. I feel like if I was truly true to myself, I would only be more selfish, more prideful, and just an asshole. A lot of me trying to be accommodating sometime feels like an extra effort. The more and more I do my own character analysis I see myself more flawed and twisted. In some senses, a part of me pushes me so hard to become some image driven by a fabricated realness that some parts of my personality turn into wisps, listless hollow shells floating around in the vast realm of forgotten personality. And I suppose that bothers. I suppose thats why there are so many sides to me. And I suppose that's why I'm conflicted.

But being real, it's humility. At least a part of it. It only makes sense, because its counterpart, pride, only deceives the heart of its true nature. That's the center point of pride: deception. It's a mask I adorn to create my balance on how I perceive everything, especially other people. I practically place the pivot point of the entire world in my head and see through those twisted eyeglasses, and in the end, I only deceive myself. And in relation to myself and how I act and think, it makes absolutely perfect sense.

In order to reconcile with myself, and who I actually am, I first need to humble myself. That's when I'll set those foundations upon which I support my ethos. They say that angels fly because they have no pride. And we humans on the other hand, are as grounded as can be. The pride weighs us down.

Finding change to become a better person is difficult. But I know one thing for sure. It's humility that drives the heart for that desire to find good and fix the wrongs. I'm so happy that my friends could find that.

It's always human tendency to see oneself first. It's always been. If in any case I must grow up, it must be to become selfless in my desires and find upmost humility in my thoughts and actions.

I want to live for something greater than myself.
I wish I could live up to the thoughts I think.