temporary hellos

temporary hellos

Do soulmates exist? Or do we just align with circumstances — affirming an idea that people usually just work out some sort of relationship and even when it’s not perfect (it just works). But where’s that attraction? It seems like relationships tend to lose fire over time, and people say “that’s life” because it happens in every single one. You learn to live with smoldering, but constant state of attraction.

Not sure what I want. Don’t feel any attraction either. I desire female companionship, but at the same time, don’t feel the desire for any real connection either. Understanding is too difficult of a feat right now with all the things I have to do soon that I don’t want to take the time to fully indulge myself in trying. My circumstances right now are boring, and boring circumstances beget boring relationships. My circumstances will change, when that happens, I’m interested in what new things come about.

Many times, we experience “temporary hellos”. You say hello, but it doesn’t mean anything besides the fact you’ve come in contact with another person, at least for a short duration of time. Temporary hellos are okay, because you don’t have to offer any substantial or vulnerable. There’s always a risk of meeting someone incompatible or untrustworthy and that could be draining. But on the other hand, new relationships with people always have positive potential as well. However, these days, I feel like as people get older, putting up risk is overwhelmed by a insincere laziness. I experience this all the time. For example, when I meet someone that has come to LA for a vacation, I will be absolutely uncaring about their life, but fake enough to demonstrate that I’m not entirely apathetic to their circumstance. And it’s cool, I might learn a new fact or something. But overall, I definitely feel that laziness and empty desire for the possibility of new friends. It has not much to do with my satisfaction with my present friends or loneliness, but really just laziness and disinterest in people in general. It’s like I’m trying to meet amazing people — when I myself am not so amazing at all. It’s ironic and it’s disrespectful to other people, really. And the worst part about it is that this sardonic realization doesn’t move my desires or inclinations a hair. I know it and I don’t care.

I guess the extent that it actually affects me is that I want to be a more awesome person. To be frank and conceited (because those usually go together for me), I honestly sometimes think I’m brilliant. But I could be cooler in my own way. Everyone has room to be cooler. On a statistically level, I’ll probably meet people who are in a similar cool range, considering that I’m not talkative or extroverted. I’ll try to expand that range.