escape

escape

Escapism for me comes in the form of wanting to escape the emptiness of soul. To do this, I can do one of two things: either fill my soul with permanent solutions — things that bring me a constant state of joy. A real relationship with God for example, and knowing that I have great purpose and hope for meaning. Or I could also escape my soul by ignoring it and actually parting from it. The scariest part about this sort of escapism is that fact that you can actually really escape from the emptiness of soul by parting from it — at least partially. For example, doing drugs and getting plastered. It’s true, I temporarily escape the emptiness of my being by unbecoming myself, but by doing so, I become slightly distanced with who I am. I think a person is most themselves when he or she is sober. This is the constant state of mind of which we are used to and most accurately represent our internal situation. The drunk state, the euphoric state is a situation in which we escape the drollness of sobriety by placing our mindset and shifting our perspective to something different. Honestly, for me, getting drunk is not fun fun. It’s fun because it’s different and I can be a more audacious person and solidify connections with people in more obvious and upfront ways. It’s not fun because it’s fun necessarily, but it’s fun because it’s different from myself — my sober and true self. Different drugs of different calibers take you further from yourself into a places that might not entirely be you.

I think the strongest sense of escape from self is suicide or death. You literally escape by separating body from soul. But you can experience temporary suicide as well, by dissociating yourself so strongly from yourself, that “you” don’t exist as your normal self, at least for a while. In a way it is liberating because you escape, but it comes at the cost of separating from your actual self for a bit. Repeated accounts of this will probably be detrimental for understanding your identity and who you are.

I find relief from stress and mundane routine of who I am on a daily basis by release, temporarily escaping from the dullness of everyday life. But that desire for escape can be filled another way, by realigning my goals for something more substantial and longer lasting than worldly values etc. I don’t want to be a monk, but I also don’t want to be empty inside. I don’t think a compromise exists between those two hyperboles, but there is a way to find inner peace by desiring something greater than conventional goals.