barely relevant title.

barely relevant title.

Unknowingly, I have blocked myself from every website that wastes time except blogspot. Something like this would probably be better in a place like tumblr where I dump really stupid things without thinking, but for now, blogger is my only friend. Look as I demonstrate the anatomy of a post.

I like to start really dumb posts with some sort of disclaimer, to somehow hide my vapid insecurities and deep rooted terrible affliction. So there it is. And then afterwards, I like to write something really convoluted and heavy, like a dying elephant. A breathing hunk of mass that can't really be deciphered, but lying there as if it's supposed to. I guess I don't like to be obvious in these sort of things, of their exact nature, so I like to write as 'bullshit' as possible.

Okay, so where to start? I tried to sleep early today, but inevitably failed because I drank too much caffeine  It's night like these which are really kind of bittersweet. It's a bit reminiscent of the past, when I really was a stupid and more careful human being. But as time goes on, people intercept and we become better, a bit less pure and more emotionally stable. I suppose that's what happened to me. And in the midst of all this writing, look it's a poem (that seems terribly irrelevant, but in some strange and convoluted way, is relevant) that lodged itself within my writing:

rainy nights and cigarettes seem to go awfully well with each other
the ashes and the leftovers i keep coughing them up
as if all i can do is keep breathing, cant really swallow the ashes
its suffocating and i wonder if it will go away

Okay, so that wasn't really a poem, but I think it was convoluted enough. And here's an ending statement that reaffirms my (not-true) levelheadedness: I need to clear my head. And a followup that seems irrelevant, but is ultimately is (only to me): Of the implications. I guess it would look like this in a real post:

blahblahblah. I need to clear my head. Of the implications.

Lookit that. Two fragmented sentences on purpose. Wow, absolutely wonderful, was a great and emotional writer, I totally understand my sentiments.

Ultimately, this post had about fifety percent of the sentiment I originally wanted to put in (but obviously didn't because I didn't want to be too vulnerable). And watch this stinger: take it with a grain of salt. That way I don't really have to stand up for my words, I am blameless for my bullshit. But really, I need something like that.

WHY CAN'T I PUT IN A PICTURE?? UGH I PUT IT IN LATER

ps. I do not want to learn how to forgive. I don't wan't to but deep inside I know I must, does that make sense. I want to yell at the top of a mountain and hope my problems run away with my voice.

it sounds so nice when bright voices sing dark songs. i like that

my vision: 808 drums with electric synths and light voices with the RnB butter without the insincere hipster bullshit.

MUST RECUPERATE OR ELSE I WILL EXPLODE HELP