id

id

Let me take this moment to explain the things that l like and the things that l don't like.

But before that, 1 just realized that a 1 and a l look exactly alike and can be used as an I, although they don't look that much alike. However, it does not work the other way around because that wou1n't Iook too proper. Why didn't l think of this before, it seems so obvious now. Why? 1 guess because it's so irrelevant to anything that l will ever do, but the fact that something like that exists makes me feel a bit more comfortable, because it reassures me that there is still so much more I, and people in general have to learn. Things like that have be seen from an out-of-box approach, and cannot ever be seen in a conventional sense. No amount of straightforward attack, such as reading a million books or writing a billion papers, can produce such noteworthy observation.

Also, before that, I have been having dreams, ridiculous dreams. Every single day. It's quite exhausting really, and on top of that, most of the time I have trouble sleeping. Yesterday I thought of a solution to help me sleep, and quite surprisingly, it worked. I laid in bed for about three hours, pounded and confounded with thoughts, making me unable to sleep, till I thought of a way to properly get rid of all the thoughts in my head. See, at first, it was quite enlightening, because I felt some sort of clarity once I fell asleep, but when I woke, I felt so clouded. The solution is to think you are dead. Once you enter this state of mind where you are dead, you can't possibly think. Because you are dead. Once I thought l was dead, l slowly regressed into a REM state of mind, most conventionally thought of as a wake induced lucid dream and entered my dream. I then had a good two and half hours of pure lucid dream till I awoke and had to go to school.

I went to funeral yesterday. My pastor's father died. Most of the time, while I was thinking there, was why people made such a big deal about death. Especially as christians. Would it be a selfish notion to be sad, because the person that left is going to a place of eternal peace? Selfish only because consideration of oneself is put to forward, as opposed to the happiness of the other person. Perhaps that sadness is felt because of the abrupt cut of attachment. Actually that is not always the case, as attachment is not always seen. In most cases, it is rarely seen. For example, let's say a son contacts his father once a month, and that father dies. Sadness ensues. But why? For those ten minute calls? As if the son thought that his father was going to die. He would have never considered that until he got the call from the hospital. So what causes the sadness? Perhaps it was the unconscious desire for expectations of future life that was unmet? There is a myriad of casuses, but in the Christian mind, most are rationally baseless and rather purely driven by emotional selfishness and irrationality (IF and only if that person passed was christian). Which in this case, he was. This just goes to show that emotion is an essential part of nature, and almost impossible to escape, despite what our rational mind tells us. In death there is peace. If no amount of life can ever be equaled to the peace found in death, then why live in the first place? My superego tells me that any sort of sadness should not ensue. All sadness that occurs is selfish. Especially if that person is old. But then again, that seems so inhumane. I'm not exactly what to believe, because one seems right, yet the other seems more humane. Is this what justice is like? I am selfish, so consequentially l would be sad if my father dies. l feel like l stated something so obvious 1 feel like a fool for even saying it. But l feel enlightened. Maybe this is what wisdom is like. "Such is true, but how can it be true? It is true because such and such, so it cannot be true, but that basis of that untruth bring out the trueness of the orignal statement. Thus, such is true." Enlightenment ensues. Perhaps this is just my negative self concept talking.

Do I really want to talk about the things l like and don't like? Perhaps later, but my id wants me to post this. My superego tells me I should wait. My ego is balancing the two. To post of not to post, that is the question.

5 minutes later. Superego wins. As usual.. I think too much, l can't really do the things that l want to do.

Actually, fuck you superego. Fuck you for not letting me do what I want to do, what my heart feels. My heart wishes to post this and I will. Fuck you and your bullshit future aspirations you fucking superego, wishing to make sense of this post. Although this post will end up being a senselesss blabber of things that have nothing to with each other, I must do what I want and post this, although it will compromise the sense and the order of this post.

Here's a picture, bitch.