sincere

sincere

I don't like my blog, it ends up becoming a really irritable hash of unpleasant emotions and words...
I probably because I talk to my blog when I have no one to talk to. It's so easy talking to anyone about anything when your mind is carefree, but when your stressed or angry or frustrated not many people will listen, you know? This blog just gives me a sense of reassurance; not sure what it really is, but hearing my voice and recollecting my thoughts is very important.

One aspect of this new life that I can't entirely seem to connect with is friends. I miss my crew to be honest. You know, I'm so proud of my friends. I think that our loyalty will stand, and for all of us, it's death before dishonor. Being in the college atmosphere made me realize that there are a lot different folks out there, different in thought, atmosphere and living style.

But more than praise about my friends, I come to a point of self-reflection of who I am and my inner conflict of... who am I?
Sometimes, it really bothers me. I think the most important trait in a person is sincerity. But sometimes, I don't know if I am genuinely nice or mean, or if I care about people if I don't, or if I put unnecessary effort for things I don't need to. I don't know what I'm doing to be honest. I want to be friends with everyone, then again, I don't like a lot of people, but then again, I actually appreciate them. They say life is a paradox but I don't see sense in a world where such blatant contradictions exist in the same body.

Thus, I'm stressed, I'm more locked up and vent in my mind. I had a good day today, and then its went a bit sour. I'm happy that I'm alive, to be more honest than anything else. I'm simply thankful for the experiences I had, the people I met, the lessons I learned.

I want to say I'm confused... but am I? That word leaves a sour taste in my mouth, it doesn't seem very pretty.

Yeah, college is fun, but searching for the true genuineness in me, and other is a strenuous path that I have to walk. Yeah, I want to be a better person, yeah I want to succeed, yeah i want everything, I'm greedy. But even that's not good. and i hate drama... i dont even knoww man my head hurts forget it i sleeping peace

i just hope i dont let my pride deceive my heart. its awefully good at doing that im scared i hate the emotion of regret and fear but thats how you learn and serious i gotta watch my mouth my tounge is not very docile these days