picture

picture

For less than a year, he had been working his dead end job, and the majestic facade of the American dream had faded away into the recess of his thoughts. He was life, and yet was the very epitome of death and decay. For his wages, he sought an escape from his life, to ensue reality as he saw fit. There was glory in gambling, bliss in alcohol, pleasure in women; the night air engulfed him. The city breathed his blood and tempest. He fell into the loophole of the workforce, and he fell into the perpetual loophole of his apprehension, becoming the bitter impulse of his corroding urban acropolis.

With a sigh, he guided his weathered fingers to grip his pen. Blowing the dust off his yellow Mead notebook, he emptied his life, his love, his sorrow, his body and soul into the smooth white paper. The scribbles of black on the pure slate embodied his soul and narrated the refinement and delicacy that lay dormant under the masquerade of futility. The words flowed through his bloodline and filled his lungs. With a gasp for air, as a cocoon spreading its wings for the first time, he breathed his first. A glimpse of light escaped into his eyelids as the world unfolded before him like pages of an antiquated book. As he read this book, it divulged its story to him, and in doing so, he found empty pages, lines that yearned to be filled with pieces of his chronicle.

He was a metaphor to life, a blatant outcry to those who mocked him, the resurrection of a soul that snatched its life from the claws of his society. He didn't exist, he lived; he became an animation that cursed destiny, defied fate and trampled off the beaten path of static.

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M.U.S.I.C.

opened my eyes to see

this destiny

wasn't meant for me

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행복합니다

행복합니다

Even with the little freedom I have to do what I want when I'm older or choose how I want to live, I can't even do the little things in high school which make life bearable.

My parents give me shit as if something is supposed to be wrong with me and that it's not normal that I don't even do anything wrong, that I don't hang out with bad people, that I don't drink, that I don't smoke weed. Is it really expected that I fall under the same category of all the other people that live life that way? Hell, I don't even blame them; with all the crap that we have to take everyday, it's completely reasonable.

I'm not gonna spend the rest of my life working in an office or studying, I'm gonna do what i want because thats the free will God gave me, it's my life I gotta live, the life that God granted me. If I fail, I fail only under my veil of my perseverance and my judgement.

Half of everyones life is under the jurisdiction of their parents and what they say. Every parent wants a successful child that can carry on their legacy, carry on their family pride, carry on their ideal of success. The concept of family shouldn't have to carry on the selfish control it comes with it. See, the only reason I go to school is for my parents and that its just expected. I'm not gonna talk about school though. I just try as a token of thanks for the life I live, but going to Stanford, or some other high class college isn't gonna make me happy. Is it even gonna bring any lasting happiness to my family? So much emphasis on what I gotta become that I lose grip on my own desires and dreams. I already died half my life, I might as well live the rest.

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The choke-hold of love decays my conscience, degrading the individual in me to fall in line with the thoughts of the generation that raised me. It seems like life is too short to live for oneself, too long to live for God, and just right when its time to die. Life is God given affliction of man full of anguish and agony juxtaposed to eternity. In the face of eternal beauty and paradise, life is a shithole, with the greatest goal to take other people out of the shithole before they fall into a worse shithole that they can't get out of. Life and death carry with them the same essence of adolescence, the same fall of innocence to the rise of wisdom and knowledge, the rise of the individual over the manacles of what held us before. Beauty in life only exists because of its subjective nature.

the pursuit of happiness

the pursuit of happiness

I want to be an intellectual when I grow up. The last this I want to do is conform to the society I live in. I’ll be a critic of the world, an artist, a musician, a director, I will run the world through its backstage curtain. The death of the individual comes at acceptance of the shit you live in.

Philosophically speaking, the pursuit of happiness is a common reoccurring theme among all people; yet, universal happiness is not present. Happiness is very subjective to the individual, (this means emotion is what the own person makes of his/her experiences). Two people can see two different perspectives and two different emotions on same experiences. Happiness can always be 'summoned' (for lack of better terms).

This invalidates the conclusion that happiness is the greatest ambition all people, because happiness is essentially a choice. IF the goal of all people was happiness, people would CHOOSE to be happy, because they can. Instead we try to be happy and lead to failure because our definition of happiness is so narrow. Money, fame, and love is not synonymous to happiness.

Is it our flawed perception of happiness that does not allow happiness, or is that happiness just comes after everything else? Why do people pursue things that they think will make them happy, even though obviously much of it does not lead to happiness?

'if i had just a million dollars, id be happy and content'. then why the fuck arent all the millionares happy. nobody is that special in this world, and people have to stop being so oblivious about their situations.

Response to Ian's blog

Response to Ian's blog

I didn't want to post this in the comments section because it was too long

dont read this guys, its pretty stupid

I hate school

You’re looking at school from your own perspective but when you see school as what it actually is, it’s an institution of indoctrination to support a healthy workforce for an industry and technological based workforce.

And a nerd is not someone who likes learning, a nerd is (dictionary.com) an intelligent but single-minded person obsessed with a nonsocial hobby or pursuit; or (Wikipedia) a term often bearing a derogatory connotation or stereotype, that refers to a person who passionately pursues intellectual activities, esoteric knowledge, or other obscure interests that are age-inappropriate rather than engaging in more social or popular activities. Therefore, a nerd is often excluded from physical activity and considered a loner by peers, or will tend to associate with like-minded people.

You’re probably not a nerd, you probably just like learning. But what is learning in school? You learn things that essentially prepare you for a factory style lifestyle. A schedule based on the bell, exacting times, heavy regulation and consequences for slight misbehaviors and USELESS information that is often times just busy work. Simple repetition and imitation mixed in with some problem solving. The only thing we actually need from school is survive is actually physical education. And who cares about that. But its importance has risen so much that a person cannot survive economically without school.

A country is as good as its economy and an economy is as good as its workforce. Creating a nation with education as its foundation creates a nation that will succeed because it will have an economically engaged workforce. Basically, the more money we make, the more money we make for our country. You shouldn't euphemize school. Money is the pivot point for the rest of society.

Keeping that in mind, do you see how much our nation has put focus on school? Everything that a teen does in his/her life is basically for college and extracurricular. Everything we want to pursue just comes in between.

And on top of all of that, because the importance of school lies so heavily on society, people rarely succeed if they don't go to school. The puritan work ethic and the lasting effects of the Market Revolution echo throughout history, even today.

Yeah, you have friends and get social skills in school, but that’s far from what it’s actually trying to teach you or give you. All this competition, survival of the fittest, is not good for the individual. We threw away our ideals of civic virtue during the turn of the nineteenth century.

sigh. Ironically, I gotta go study now so I can’t write more. I hate finals man...

old stuff...

old stuff...

something i wrote a while back...
tried to record it, but it was too fast and i failed tremendously :/
but the lyrics are pretty ballin', but i kinda dont think anyone will understand.. try if you want
its about school (and how it sucks) and on a larger scale capitalism vs (utopian/soviet) socialism
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The pinnacle of societies downfall
Our piety’s downtrodden tyranny, the pyramid’s static class
Won’t give in to the caustic mass
Last result was a drastic loss, for the fanatic cause
The elastic clause turns iron claws
Levee en masse, the tyrant’s laws turn to the dire and saw them off

Same treasons be, there’s no reason to be
Believing in he who reigns on high
It’s the onslaught of youth indoctrination to decimation
Desecration of a destination of heaven or hell
Yet no contemplation or dedication evolution’s call on creations greater elevation

Humanity’s fast fall, last call, Pascal’s wager dismissed
Logical yet dismal frolic of adolescence stalls it
Till when? Till the fall of Stalin waiting on to the rise of Hitler?
No reason in this world, just a reasonable whirl
As we squeal and roll, defeats in our soul

Surreal control, ideal console
Couldn’t stop it from breaking into your skull
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other thoughts
just got the line:
"if was at the club, you know i balled, chemo"
(you know i 'bald', chemotherapy.. damn...)
+1 respect for drake

thoughts on beauty

thoughts on beauty

People tend to judge too harshly on outer appearances. Beauty in itself is only a category, but it tends to outweigh other aspects of people by a burdensome amount. But I guess that just how people think, worst come to worst, at least you got something to show for yourself.

The eyes of the world look past expression, and it’s only tainted with its own ambition. Filtering though the people to find its definition to portray to the world in its own judgment and reason.

But that doesn't mean if your ugly, your beautiful. Saying beauty dwells on the inside is just a second place trophy that people that say to increase self-esteem.

Sure, the world's expression and weight upon beauty is messed up, but that doesn't change what it is, because everything in itself is relative. People created beauty as it is seen today, and thats how it'll always been seen and defined until we can give up what we cherish most: the spotlight
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other thoughts: Sean has the hardest homework ever.
"Parts of speech are metaphors, because the whole of nature is a metaphor of the human mind" -Emerson

my interpretation:
Just like parts of speech cannot literally interpret language, they can be applied to show an understanding of thought. Nature is ideal that is applied to the human mind, and because it is not applicable literally, it’s shown as a macrocosm of the human mind that attempts to explain our conscience and being.

resonate..

resonate..

Why am I confined to the steady beat of my routine? The heartbeat of my life fills my veins with lead, the heavy footsteps of my sighs drone and resonate in the back of my mind.

Like a coffin, I’m buried alive, my passion, my soul, into perpetual silence; not restricted knowingly, but involuntarily I am confined to a guideline, a set of moral ethics, an agenda, an imprisonment to my freedom. A timetable of dismay chokes my inner being, caving into my life; the pillars of obligation crumble down, enveloping me in the rubble of my own success. No one to blame but myself, and although everlasting love lies like a cloud over my eyes, my eyelids are closed. The barrier of humanity blinds me from walking in the light of crowning glory.

The silent scream, crying the anguished anthem of sin; its sadistic pitch rebounds off the barren walls of my empty soul, never fading.

"Epitomize this reality
Showcase our notoriety
And reveal our only true deity
To be the grasp of society"

eternal thoughts...

eternal thoughts...

perfection is a false essence of anything..

His tossing dreams met an eternal endurance to hold on to the wisps of her visage, the watermark at dawn that always silted past his fingertips; his barred thoughts, overrun and conquered by her regal beauty, never able to give way to speech; his actions embodying his locked infatuation, no longer to be suppressed by his flesh and bone alone. His heart quickened at the sound of her voice, but stopped at the ephemeral moment of colliding gazes.

Yet, the constant battle for his conscience and his conscious rampaged on, a contentious fight between what he wanted and what he could have. Her thoughts were barren and empty of his. The bell brought a fleeting sensation of hope into his body, along with the irrepressible twitch of his hallucination. His dream would live on, never to be embodied, yet perpetually lasting in the same effect. The ideal he held in his mind was real, and held even a tangible feeling to it.

However, it was no matter, for reality still held the responsibility of being reality and encompassing the veracity of society. He held his dream to his heart, to let it soar though the fragments of his distorted imagination, for he knew if the dream was to resurrect, it would prove to spiral down the well of realism. No perfection is to be found in the eyes of mortal aesthetic, only dreams. The masquerade of flesh always hides its face from light.
Dream on

..except God

broken conscience

broken conscience

Life is what you make it, and if you dont like it then you are crushed only by your own creation, thoughts, and juxtaposition of the world. But my juxtaposition of world is placed upon the highest standards, the gold of beauty, the silver of breath, and the jewels of life. Live and say you are dead, die and say you are living. The anorexia of society shuts us off from celebration of true love. We covet everything that destroys us and forget all that truly matters in life. Absolution is less lest left to live.

The standards of the world let us see the truths that society accepts, and because society spits so many lies, we don't know what is truth, and in the end, our skepticism leads us to our own demise. We brush away the light of reason and life, and the curious cat never got to see whats in the box.

i blow ya mind so hard, i just thought in your mouth

i blow ya mind so hard, i just thought in your mouth

my book of rhymes go somethin like this

like an arab at the airport. im bomb
like a christian at stake. im on fire
like posiedons dad. i abuse and rape my flow
your like a ho blowin warts. you blew your spot up
like a heavy nutsack. im fuck'n ballin
like a fuckin slave. 시발 종이다.

its the startin line baby