recounting our values

recounting our values

some interesting shit happened today haha

hilarious shit...

anyhow...

You know how life experiences make a person who they are?

Who knows what you will think about yourself 10 years later...

Maybe you'll regret studying, maybe you'll wish you studied more.

Who you are today is not who you are tomorrow...

So, couple years back, I set my friend's (Justin Lee lol...) backyard on fire.

His tree was set on flames because we were silly kids back then (we brought candles into the mountain because it was dark and we wanted to dig some holes)

The neighbor repeatedly try and tell us that his backyard was on fire, but we were badass and just ignored her, because she was an annoying prick (or so we thought).

The fire department came, and we were scared shitless.

That night, I basically got killed by my dad. At that moment, I was like 'what the fuck is wrong with my life'

But looking back on it, I'm glad it happened. Why?

Not because it made me a better person, not because I stopped playing with fire, not because I learned a lesson.

But because its a hilarious story to tell.

Our past makes us who we are, and its funny the little stories that we remember.

Will we remember our AP scores 10 years from now? Probably not.

Will we remember that stupid shit that we did instead? Most likely.

I want to make my life recountable, worth remembering. I want to tell my kids the interesting shit I did.

Not like, "kids, you know your father, well when he was in high school, he was an awesome guy. He got a five on his AP exam. Respect me now, because I am a competent human being."

My dad told me a story. In college, he nearly failed and got kicked out, because his grade were so bad. He had seven F's and the college was like "If you don't get straight A's for last semester, we're gonna kick you out."

He got straight A's that semester and spent his hours in the library while his friends were all celebrating. He then graduated with the highest honors. His parents (my grandparents) never found out, they always, and still do think that their son was a straight A student. Now he's pretty ballin'.

The stories he tells me are not of how he got good grades, or how he studied well, but how he beat the shit out of a kid in front of a teacher, or how the girl he liked brought a piece of shit (yes literally) to school and so he stopped liking her. Or how he went on a beach trip with his friends and saw the most beautiful woman he ever saw. And how that girl was prettier than my mom, but got dumped because of mom.

Couple months ago, when LC was gonna get raped by fires, I thought, "hmm, it would be a pretty interesting experience if my house burned down." So for some reason, I looked forward to it. Of course, I was a little sad, but if its inevitable, why would you get caught up about it? An experience like that would shape your life incredibly. Was it stupid to look forward to my house burning down? Duh. that's retarded.

But what if it did happen? Is my life worse because my house burned down? Is my life worse that I lose shit I don't need, like a big room, a comfortable bed, and a PS3? Is it really that bad? I seriously think that that experience would make me a better person. Of course in most sense, I obviously don't want it to happen, but if it was inevitable, as in that situation, I would appreciate it for coming. It's not like we can praise the world whenever something good happens to us, and then curse it for being shitty to us.

Its like, I bet if I were born poorer, I would probably value the things I had more. But if I had a choice, I can't give it away. If you just took it away without my consent, I would then just have no choice but the put more value into the things I have.

I got off topic.

I'm just saying, in the end, its what we value that creates us.

Does a 5 on the AP exam hold more value than beach trip we could have gone to? No.

And yet, too bad we don't have a choice to govern it.

The world's values are pretty messed up.

If you read this all, mad props. This is pretty long.

Let's live for the verse.

"life is a satire of death"

11:11

11:11

Wishing on 11:11 is some stupid shit
Lots of girls 'wish' on 11:11 (not anyone specifically, and I think guys don't..)
Is that not... totally retarded...?
I hope nobody actually believes that? But why else would you wish if you don't believe...
Maybe it’s a sentiment of false hope?
So basically, on 11:11 you think a thought, and somehow, that thought will manifest itself in reality.
Because you thought it. And because there were four ones on your clock, which I guess means something special.
It’s a mindless, harmless gesture, and nobody cares, and it’s pretty cute
But can you actually believe that it will come true? Do you believe it will come true? Do you even go as far to hope it will come true? How much faith do you have in that wish?
Or is it just a thought, just a maybe. Even still... a maybe it a sliver of faith
Yet,
There are atheists that see praying as pointless, but doesn't praying make a lot more sense than wishing?
The thought of prayer at least travels to someone who can answer that thought in your stream of consciousness
Why don't you just pray... it’s in the same field of thought, just more logically sound than wishing.
Why does the mass majority of society accept wishing on 11:11 so readily and yet are so quick to denounce praying?
11:11 comes every damn day. Twice. If 11:11 even had a hint of actually being anything relevant to our lives, rather than a false hope, than wouldn't those 730 wishes do something?
At least for prayer, we can determine that there are three answers we can receive: yes, no, and wait (although those are actually the only answers we can get)
At least we can have a GREATER hope for something greater than this earth
At least we can have a chance of developing a relationship with God

sigh or maybe people just wish on 11:11 because its cute, or just because they can

I dont know...

I also don't know why, but I kinda feel bad for writing this

the human mind is pretty strange

wisdom

wisdom

daily proverbs reading. proverbs 8

Wisdom sure has a high place in this world.
We should strive to be wise.
Quite an obvious statement, but whats more is that through wisdom, much else follows along.
Wisdom seemed to come first, before everything in the world.
Personified as a being, she almost carries an air of.. holiness.
such power... such grace... such incredible influence...
Judging from the actions of people, most people don't consider wisdom very important.
How much of it does it play in our lives?
Do we make decisions consciously for the greater good? Do we use our time wisely? Do we counsel those we can who are in need? Do we live for God? Do we stay away from sin? Do we...? Do we...?
All the right decisions in life are wise.
God is wise. We will strive to be wise.
Wisdom. What an interesting concept.

But sigh. It's so easy just to examine and find things that should be. but its so hard to become what you say. I could run my mouth all day about things that should be, but do I stand for ANYTHING I say?

32. “now then, my sons, listen to me; blessed are those who keep my ways.
33. Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not ignore it.
34. Blessed is the man who listened to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway.
35. For whoever finds life and receives favor from the LORD.
36. But whoever fails to find me harms himself; all who hate me love death.”

On a separate tangent, today in mission training, we read Peter 1.
From that passage, I derived this:
Believing in God. Faith. It's preposterous from an objective stance.
We believe in a God in which we only have a book and our thoughts to justify in the world, and yet we live our lives for God, and devote everything to him.
Why? Because we accept his existence.
Thus, knowing so, don't we know carry the responsibility and burden of standing firm in the world, and spreading his word?
It's not what you don't know can't hurt you, as the saying goes so comfortably, but what you do know, you carry the responsibility for.

It's so damn hard to prove something that people don't want to believe.

It's so damn hard proving something that only we understand.

On another tangent, life is pain. Life is a tragedy.
but its so easy to label things that you can't change, isn't that true? It's also hard to correctly label things you don't know.
In that case, if life is not a tragedy, neither is it beautiful, gracious, or giving.
Life is not breathing, life is not circulation, life is not anything from us.
But life is a gift.
We don't have a say in what life is, because it already is.
This goes without saying for all the things in this world.
Do we really have to judge from a standpoint for something that IS?
We have no right to judge ANYTHING in the world.

I love that word. TRAGEDY. thats my favorite word.

thoughts

thoughts

its kinda funny

cuz you can think whatever you want

but you cant say alot of it

because most people dont want to hear it

so that means people construct most of their thoughts for themselves

in this world, its so strange that you do something ONLY for yourself

pretty rare

at least people can think for themselves

life: ride of my life

life: ride of my life

we were supposed to write a 'humor piece' for my english class, but mines not funny at all. here it is:

Life: the Ride of my Life

If life’s a ride, then this has got to be a merry go round. Take the highlight reel of my life, and nobody would actually enjoy watching it. Is that really the way we want to live our lives? As cliché as it is, the phrase ‘you only live once’ cannot ring truer than before.

The way the world revolves, it’s as if nothing in the world has any meaning, and all we stand for is a mere superficial sentiment that we stand behind just for show’s sake. So let’s cut the crap. Why do we live? Some say it’s for happiness, other’s God, and some family, but all in all, most people simply live for themselves, and pursuits of a greater ‘success’ in their life.

All this boils down to the essential question that begs: what is success in our lives? Many students pursue a ‘successful’ life through taking insane classes and raising a killer GPA. But what is the reason that students at La Canada take nine AP’s? The bitter irony in the schooling system is that is strives to teach students, and relies on students that want to learn, but because of the fierce competition, students now only strive for the grade. If there’s no grade, there’s no effort. Now there’s a fundamental error in our thought process. Heh. And to think that those with high GPA’s and nine AP’s were so much better than the rest of the crowd. All they have is a twisted pursuit of success and a slouched sense of education. This essentially makes the school system useless, other than for stronger hand muscles from copying homework, and developing late night habits from cramming.

The values we hold in our lives as a whole make absolutely no sense. We hold up money so highly and think that it will get rid of our needs and wants, but it’s funny, because the top three richest people in America would more money than anything else. We hold up infidelity so highly, a media based upon sex and adultery, so I guess, based from the media, that our unconscious role models are all whores and man whores. We hold up grades so high, but much of us detest actual school learning. What if we all pursued a life that was based on something greater?

I’m not saying that we should all become Huck Finn’s and Tom Sawyer’s, and go off in the woods for a fun adventure, but I simply ask that we may be able to live for a greater purpose in our lives. A little less of the cash money, grades, and hoes, and little more of the straight moral sentiment and nostalgic moments that we can live for and remember when we are older. A life now that’s worth remembering later.

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man. fuck the AP's. thats the downfall of the schooling system.

once AP's are over, no one gives a shit. teachers dont, so students dont

If its not for a grade, nobody cares.

thats the whole concept of senioritis. who wants to learn? who wants to be a fuckin nerd?

for some reason nerds are so low on the social ladder. why?

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quotes:

"Failures my last name, Nevers my first one"

"And baby girl, what does it matter where your purse from?

Your hurr done, your nails did, your ass fat, but youre dumb" -Lupe

"Ok quit playin’ with the scissors and shit, and cut the crap

I shouldn’t have to rhyme these words in the rhythm for you to know it’s a rap" -Eminem

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the only reason why i study is for presents

am i living a dream?

life.

life.

stress?

priorities?

goals?

life doesn't really make any sense right now.

but whatever. itll all pass and go

I ain't much now

but come along

and in a moment

I'll be beamin' too

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sidenotes:

life is a sidenote

im an insomiac, i dont gotta sleep

know why?

cuz youre a dream come true

It's like that

It's like that

(ー.ー;) sigh.. I wrote this couple days ago but I didnt post it because i was happy. this is an angry post. I tried to reedit it but whatevs meng.

You know what pisses me off more than anything else? When my friends do stupid shit. Regrettable. That pisses me off and breaks my heart more than anything. And it makes me want to kill the person responsible for bringing them down in some cases. The world is so fucked up. People put dumb shit on pedestals. Why? Everyone knows why and has their own shortsighted reasons. And you know it's wrong yet you don't do shit to stop yourself from falling in. People
are so shortsighted. I can't emphasize it anymore. Do you have a working conscience? Its a fucking selfish act and there's nothing that can back it up. I feel sorry for you, and yet at the same time I wish I could have done something to stop it. But I can't, because in the end its your choice.

And don't give me shit or put on some bullshit mask to try and hide who you really are. Cuz who are you living for? Can you honestly answer that question? I think you can decide for yourself that your doing something wrong.

And seriously, you can't tell someone not to do something when you do it yourself. As if I'm in a worse place... That's the definition of being a hypocrite, if you haven't noticed...

You can't have your cake and eat it too. "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"

Its like the shithead that lives his whole life fuckin around and when hes about to die, he says 'oh sorry God i finally acknowledge you now, will you take me in?' all knowing that he can get into heaven.

Okay let's say everybody realized the concept of a heaven. What the fuck on earth is better than dying now? Do you really have to chase over fun at this point? There's more important shit in the world. And I wish I could stand by that statment too, but I can't

And fuckin. I don't want to think about it. Selfish people. It's selfish for those who care, just like how suicide is a selfish act. You don't realize how much other people dwell on your mistakes more than you do. You don't realize how sad how make some people.

And most of all, apart from all the hurt you cause other people, think about God. I don't think many appreciate or realize the extent of which God is a part of our lives. He is a compassionate being, more compassionate and caring than all of us.

I just hate seeing those I love fall. But for some reason I don't give a rat's ass about everyone else that falls. And there is even an extent to which I hate some people for affecting my friends. Am I blind or do I want them to fall deeper for what they have done to my friends? That in itself is wrong but I feel its justified.

Don't fall. This will come back and bite me because one day I might fall too.

I'm just saying. Because some people care.

I have no respect for those who are in "love" with the world

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My prejudices of the week:
닭살 couples are pathetic couples in so many ways
I seriously think that being fat messes with your mind, for girls. S.I.G.H. sorry.

Chinese people are the pigeons of the world.... JUST KIDDING XD i love chinese people

Five things I want to say to people, but just can't.. so i say it here:

• Stop caring so much about other people's criticism
• I wish I knew you better
• Find someone better and get your morals in line again. Your better than that
• You should be a bit more oblivious of whats going around
• You suck at singing. and everything else

Five things I want to get better at:

• Writing
• Rappin'
• I'll stop at three, too many

okay, so as I said before, I'm happy now though~

Sense in Identity

Sense in Identity

In the eternal and vast face of souls, we as individuals exist like stars in the galaxy, grains of sand on the beach of life. Can we as people really be able to distinguish one grain of sand from the other, can we judge its countenance, the rough callouses on its rocky surface, the vast mountains of glass and mineral entombed into a tiny speck of existence?

To the subjective eye, we are so much more than what society categorizes us as, or so we think. All of this funnels down into the essential and basic argument of the question: "Who am I?". Our identity. By definition, identity is the condition to remain oneself; yet this begs the question oneself to who? The faces and dimensions of our existence are infinite, infinite to us and yet somehow finite to those that perceive us from a stationary viewpoint, which happens to be the vast majority of society. The world has a pivot point, and to the individual, that pivot point remains to be that individual.

Thus, we create our identity. A state of existence, confirmation that we matter to a certain extent. And this identity, of course, is seen by other identities. Yet the paradox remains this: the individual identities each being their own pivot point of the world, can only see their identity to exist in a multidimensional sense, where all other identities are one dimensional. So how does one find his or her identity? How much of the clothes we wear, the music we listen to, our personality, factored into our identity?

Ultimately, the individual bases his or her identity on the confirmation of others, and so our identity become our appearance. Appearance in personality, in judgement, in action; appearance in how we perceive the world. A facade we adorn so that we can be someone or something to society. In that matter of sense, we live our identity for others, other people, our deities, and to the briefest extent, ourselves. We are ourselves only because we have other people to confirm it. Would we exist, if nobody was there to tell us we exist?

perception is reality

random sad rambling post :(

random sad rambling post :(

You know

if we all died tomorrow

wouldn't we have all wasted our lives

when we could have made it so much more?

Sometimes I think people euphemize life

because they want it to become what they always thought it was

and it would be sad to think they are all living dreary lives, after all nobody want to admit it

everybody wants a life like a movie, but only few people live like that

But in what life constitutes, and what we do in it,

life is a melodramatic, boring scene

we all get kicks from the little things that happen

the little specks of glitter on an otherwise grey canvas

and all because we choose to

or maybe thats just what life is

and all the movies and entertainment seem to glamorize a life that doesn't exist

and we all chase after a watermark

and its even more messed up because to everyone else

it makes total sense that you live the first half of your life preparing for your second one

even in the sense that some doctors spend 25 years to be a doctor

and even in the sense of religion

and if you don't, and just have fun then you get screwed over later

like a harvest

and whats more even more messed up

in a totally stripped down, realistic sense

is that when we die

we will all either head to heaven or hell

when we hit heaven, we will not have any sense of regret

because it doesn't exist

and i don't even know how I feel about that, whether its good or not

and truly, none of our education, the things we spend most of our time on matter

i would think that i should have my life a different way

but why do i live my life the way i do right now, when i know in the future, i will not regret anything i do?

and for those of you who will go to hell

because sadly, there are many of you, even oblivious or stubborn as you may be

you will spend the rest of eternity in regret

even if you did live a fun and fulfilling life

and for those of you atheist

why do you even live

any life at all

having hope in a tomorrow, and only a tomorrow

having no guilt in what you do because you don't have to face a greater power

in the end, you are truly nothing

you exist, then you don't exist

imagine the moment you die

that's right, you can't

because you don't exist anymore

it's just a flash

its kind of ironic

life and afterlife are inversely related in a sense of how we live it

how we should live is actually rigidly defined

and yet

nobody lives that way

but even when you compare atheism and Christianity

everything is in the head

everything is subjective

life is what you make it

as much as i don't want to say it or explain the philosophy behind religion

the idea of a God is essentially created in your mind

but its like

once you seize the imagination

you realize something greater

and you don't need any proof

life is not meant to be understood

it's better that way

lalala i wish i could coherently convey my thoughts :/

plato's allegory

plato's allegory

sometimes things just don't make sense

and you get angry at the world for what it is

but there's nothing you can do about it

you can either be the black sheep out pointing a finger at the world

exclaiming how silly everything about it is

or you can become a part of it

avoiding all the criticisms that come when you look at it from afar

then you realize it's not so bad

and that the outliers of the world are actually the strange ones

and then your wonder what can they possibly be thinking

because what your doing is fine

because everyone else is with you

and you are the majority

what's better?

not knowing and being content, or to know something greater and yet live as a pariah in thought

life is a slippery slope when it comes to falling in line