Hello there

Hello there

Dear God,

Sometimes, I really want to give up. I want to quit school and just rot in peace for the rest of my life. I feel like I've been torn apart somewhat, wronged, completely hopeless. These are the time when I feel most closest to dying. If only I could quit life for a bit. I feel like an idiot.

I know you see this shit I'm going through. So please, I don't care anymore. Break my heart, break my soul and mind, and put me through the worst depression and deepest languish. Put me through the coldest heartbreaks and worst emotional pain and suffering possible and enlighten me on how much more depressed I can become. I'm sure you will succeed with flying colors. Please completely ruin me. Next thing I know, all my friends and family die and I become deaf and blind and schizophrenic. I shouldn't joke around about that.

But in all seriousness, I have now given up all desire to be happy and fulfilled, because the people that I try to love seem to be the coldest individuals I have ever met. And I really thought I learned how to properly care for someone and put in real effort after that shit I went through with my first girlfriend.. But I guess that's not really it either. Happiness, whatever I don't need it. That shit comes and goes; it's as fleeting as the petal on the flowers I gave you.

For those of you trying to attribute these words to an irrational state of mind, I wouldn't recommend so. This is a realization, an epiphany of glory. I have no place for happiness in the world. I think it's engrained in my mindset. I fear none but God, and nothing deters me any longer.

Take what you will from this, with a grain of a salt. All I ask is that with these disgusting emotions you have given me, I can transpose them into beautiful music. I just want to make beautiful music, is that okay with you God? Can you allow that for me? That's the only thing stopping me from quitting.

Care? Hah, that shit is just dirty charity work.

Yours truly. Amen.